Trigger Warning: References to (fictional) people thinking of murder of disabled people as merciful.
Hi.
So this is my first post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group.
I'm almost a week into NaNoWriMo. Guess what? I'm totally insecure about that. I have no clue if my writing is good or awful, and as much as I know NaNoWriMo is about giving myself permission to write badly? I'd rather write decently. Or even well. I'm meeting word counts, which is good, but yeah. Nervous as anything.
It probably doesn't help that the ideas I have actually are ambitious. I know that with my (lack of) executive functioning skills, if I don't just get it all out at once, I'm not going to get it out, so I'm not going to try "dropping out to give it the time it deserves" or whatever. I'm just nervous because this is not an easy first novel, unless this winds up being really different from what's in my head. I might take the two long-term protagonists an
d write their stories into separate novels that's what I'll do (yeah, that's going to mean giving up half my current wordcount but if that's what it takes to make this work and I think it might be...)
See, they're both autistic. And they present significantly differently. And they're both girls. And a lot happens to them before they meet. Alex travels a lot- she has to, since she's not even from the same country as Kaili. Kaili deals with ableism in all sorts of forms, and she moves to a tower because she's had it with people. Especially people who think it'd be merciful to kill her. Which yes, that's something people say about disabled people.
That's another thing that's really hard. Kaili is very obviously disabled. The ways the world reacts to her are hard to write.
Or the fact that I really, really want to go back and write Nina Morow's story.
I might need to, once I finish with Kaili and Alex.
And titles? Ha. How do I title?
The first million words of fiction are going to be bad.
Well. That's great news.
Put the first hundred thousand words of fiction where no one will ever find them, and after that, start putting them up. Try to sell.
I think that puts this NaNoWriMo into the range of things I should put up and try to sell. Because it's actually not my first time writing a novel. My first one was done over the course of my junior year of high school. It was bad, but I wrote a lot of words. Judging by the density of my (often illegible) handwriting and the notebook I filled, that was about 78,000 words of complete and utter junk. No, really. I've since attempted to re-read it. It was bad.
I assume I made the other 22,000 words up in other creative writing contexts, considering that I took three semesters of creative writing in high school (none of my failed novel was used in that class) and write fanfiction. So... Oh my goodness I'm actually going to put this up and hope people buy it what am I doing I am a college student.
I should probably shut up and write story instead of angsting about NaNoWriMo. If I let me, I might write 50,000 words of angst about it instead of 50,000 words of novel. Which would be bad. NaNoWriMo, not NaAngstWriMo.
Hi.
So this is my first post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group.
 |
| The badge for the insecure writer's support group. Name in red text on a background of I'm not actually sure what. |
It probably doesn't help that the ideas I have actually are ambitious. I know that with my (lack of) executive functioning skills, if I don't just get it all out at once, I'm not going to get it out, so I'm not going to try "dropping out to give it the time it deserves" or whatever. I'm just nervous because this is not an easy first novel, unless this winds up being really different from what's in my head. I might take the two long-term protagonists an
d write their stories into separate novels that's what I'll do (yeah, that's going to mean giving up half my current wordcount but if that's what it takes to make this work and I think it might be...)
See, they're both autistic. And they present significantly differently. And they're both girls. And a lot happens to them before they meet. Alex travels a lot- she has to, since she's not even from the same country as Kaili. Kaili deals with ableism in all sorts of forms, and she moves to a tower because she's had it with people. Especially people who think it'd be merciful to kill her. Which yes, that's something people say about disabled people.
That's another thing that's really hard. Kaili is very obviously disabled. The ways the world reacts to her are hard to write.
Or the fact that I really, really want to go back and write Nina Morow's story.
I might need to, once I finish with Kaili and Alex.
And titles? Ha. How do I title?
The first million words of fiction are going to be bad.
Well. That's great news.
Put the first hundred thousand words of fiction where no one will ever find them, and after that, start putting them up. Try to sell.
I think that puts this NaNoWriMo into the range of things I should put up and try to sell. Because it's actually not my first time writing a novel. My first one was done over the course of my junior year of high school. It was bad, but I wrote a lot of words. Judging by the density of my (often illegible) handwriting and the notebook I filled, that was about 78,000 words of complete and utter junk. No, really. I've since attempted to re-read it. It was bad.
I assume I made the other 22,000 words up in other creative writing contexts, considering that I took three semesters of creative writing in high school (none of my failed novel was used in that class) and write fanfiction. So... Oh my goodness I'm actually going to put this up and hope people buy it what am I doing I am a college student.
I should probably shut up and write story instead of angsting about NaNoWriMo. If I let me, I might write 50,000 words of angst about it instead of 50,000 words of novel. Which would be bad. NaNoWriMo, not NaAngstWriMo.
The picture is of a lighthouse, I think.
ReplyDeleteHa! "NaAngstWriMo" is totally what it feels like at times. Every year NaNo comes round and I'm too busy to complete it. Maybe next year! <-- I always say that.
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard 'the first million words'. Me--I've focused on 'the first 3 books'. Which sadly seems to be true. I'm onto my 4th now. Eventually.
ReplyDeleteFascinating post!
Sometimes 50,000 words you think are junk translate into some pretty darn good stuff! Once you turn of the internal editor and just concentrate on the writing, magic happens. Good luck on making your goal!!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Well, here's hoping you don't drive yourself insane, Alyssa. That would not be good. But, I must confess, it's the reason I've never done NaNo. Hey, whatever happens, hope you have fun. Happy IWSG.
ReplyDeleteNaNoNites are very brave. For a slow coach writer like me, 50K in 30 days is daunting.
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoy the experience Alyssa.
Write on!
Writer In Transit
November IWSG co-host.
Best wishes on NaNo. The 1st million words are crap has to be the worst info I've heard. Do your best. Keep writing. Practice, practice, practice.
ReplyDelete