tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post6531240897052738809..comments2024-03-19T18:36:41.875-04:00Comments on Yes, That Too: Making My Own MistakesAlyssahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06413844178426365789noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post-33090770232996595892013-06-30T21:04:51.518-04:002013-06-30T21:04:51.518-04:00I think an important part of being allowed to make...I think an important part of being allowed to make mistakes is being allowed to make mistakes without having them held over you <i>forever</i>. <br /><br />My parents let me risk making mistakes, alright, but there was always a hidden risk to it: if I screwed up at all, they would file it away and use it as tool to shame me into not wanting to do it ever again, or as an excuse to shoot other stuff down. "Well, if you can't even keep track of your wallet, how will you handle an exchange program?" for example (humiliating/victim-blaming me for having been pickpocketed at 11 to excuse refusing to send me on an exchange program I wanted to go on at 15). That sort of thing. <br /><br />By doing that, my parents hamstringed my attempts to gain independence because I knew if I did mess up it would be held against me forever. Even if it turned out okay in the end, or if it absolutely was not my fault (grown adults get pickpocketed - totally not my fault at 11 for having a criminal victimize me). Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post-8462679529785400602013-06-11T22:12:30.729-04:002013-06-11T22:12:30.729-04:00I too was fiercely independent, and scared at how ...I too was fiercely independent, and scared at how much control other people had over my life, and really, really hated that. And I was *both* left to deal with things on my own inappropriately, and was having my independence needlessly restricted, in different ways. I absolutely shudder to think how I might have been treated had I been diagnosed correctly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post-73991060676074801732013-06-11T20:50:07.124-04:002013-06-11T20:50:07.124-04:00I love this. My 9yo autistic daughter is wanting t...I love this. My 9yo autistic daughter is wanting to be more and more independent, and as hard as it can be, I don't automatically shut her down bc of her dx. She's gone on short bike rides alone. Walked the dog alone. Pays for things alone. I could just say no, bc she's autistic, and "what if", but then that strips her of her own dignity and doesn't much prepare her to be independent, which SHE wants. I see a lot of parents using their child's dx as the reason to say no, and it hurts to hear. It's of course important to know your child, but I think a lot of kids are way more capable than their parents give them credit for, and denying them to take any risks means they have no clue what to do when something happens that isn't planned. <br /><br />One other thing that struck a chord...being restrained bc of escape attempts when in an abusive or unsafe situation. We had that happen at school with my daughter. Restrained twice in a row bc she was being harassed by another student and needed to get away, as no one was stepping in. She was hurt in the process. She never returned to that school. Every child deserves better than that.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16626621399918066970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post-58468810507640345182013-06-11T09:46:23.274-04:002013-06-11T09:46:23.274-04:00I think that a lot would have been very different....I think that a lot would have been very different. I've talked about it on occasion, and I've contemplated writing a fictionalized guess at what would have been if the neuropsych when I was 9 dxed me instead of leaving some "findings" off the report and talking to my mom about them, like really happened. (The "findings" left off were autism traits that run in the family, like autism does.)<br />I was fiercely independent. I think that them knowing that the most they could do on any of these things was make me wait until I was 18 was relevant to some of those. I did explicitly remind mom of that on a couple occasions, including China. I liked to play hardball with my independence/stubbornness stuff, still do.Alyssahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06413844178426365789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5426050656197929065.post-29499926318568794762013-06-11T09:34:26.237-04:002013-06-11T09:34:26.237-04:00It sounds like your parents allowed a lot of room ...It sounds like your parents allowed a lot of room for independence. I wonder how much would have been different if you were dx'ed earlier? With gifted kids, we treat them as "older" than their years. We presume they are much more competent. With autistic kids, it's the opposite - we usually treat them as much "younger" than their years. As a parent, it's hard to let go of the fear. I cannot imagine how your parents did that. Or at least not let their fear interfere with your opportunities. I hope I can do the same.Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17399227210081662280noreply@blogger.com