Note For Anyone Writing About Me

Guide to Writing About Me

I am an Autistic person,not a person with autism. I am also not Aspergers. The diagnosis isn't even in the DSM anymore, and yes, I agree with the consolidation of all autistic spectrum stuff under one umbrella. I have other issues with the DSM.

I don't like Autism Speaks. I'm Disabled, not differently abled, and I am an Autistic activist. Self-advocate is true, but incomplete.

Citing My Posts

MLA: Hillary, Alyssa. "Post Title." Yes, That Too. Day Month Year of post. Web. Day Month Year of retrieval.

APA: Hillary, A. (Year Month Day of post.) Post Title. [Web log post]. Retrieved from

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

I'd rather see a student psychologist. Really

I'm in therapy right now. I have been (in this iteration) since late January, both dealing with deaths in the family (three this semester, one of which hit me harder than most - that was my grandfather near the start of January) and trying to get something resembling a handle on my anxiety. On the to-do list is gender-related stuff, eventually, since I do have some physical dysphoria in addition to the social stuff. But that's not the point. The point is that I actually prefer to have a student as my therapist, and there are a few reasons.

  1. Students are usually less confident. That might seem like a disadvantage, and I suppose it could be for some people, but in my case it's important. I am very good at being an outlier. Someone who is confident in their expectation that things that work for most people will work for me ... is not going to be a good match, because they are often going to be confidently wrong.
  2. Students knowledge is as up to date as it is ever likely to be. It's a reality of graduate school that we have to be reading a lot of recent research. It's a reality of regular practice in most fields, including psychology, that people don't have time to be reading that much recent research. There are, of course, exceptions, but in general your best bet for the most up to date information is a current graduate student.
  3. Those two things combine to increase the likelihood that students have heard of neurodiversity and are at least open to the idea. I'm not actually the one who brought up neurodiversity in my sessions, because my initial focus was on grief. My autism was only relevant in the way it's always relevant: the way my brain is wired up affects how I process literally everything, including grief. At some point it was relevant and the therapist I'd been seeing asked me if I'd "heard of" neurodiversity. (I think this must have been the day I my ability to speak went out part way through the session and I switched over to typing, because I didn't burst out laughing immediately.) Yes. Yes, I have heard of neurodiversity.
  4. The psychological consultation center on my campus doesn't take insurance, but it runs on a sliding scale based on income, and sessions are $5 for students. That's cheaper than co-pays even on most good insurance.
Between these factors, I'd really rather go to a clinic where students are being supervised. Folks there are more likely to be a reasonably good match for me.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Not the way you mean

In my experience, a lot of questions get asked as proxies for other questions. Sometimes the two questions have different answers. Most of the times I can think of this happening have been somewhat medical. Which might be its own pattern, or might be because I notice/remember it more when the difference matters more. I'm not certain.

Example the first: Have you fallen in the last six months?

Every time a doctor has asked me this, they've wanted to know if I have balance issues (kinda, but they're not getting worse). They may or may not have appreciated being told that when a beginner ice skater crashed into me from behind, I did hit the ice. They may or may not have appreciated being told that my brother successfully tackled me during a backyard football game. They may or may not have appreciated hearing that I wiped out once on a week long ski trip. Whether or not they appreciated my precision in answering the question they actually asked, it's not the information they were really looking for. Mostly, I'm a clumsy person who tries to athlete anyways.

Example the second: Have you had any bruises where you don't know where they came from?

Bruises without having some sort of noticeable physical impact or injury first can be a sign of a bunch of health issues. If we have bruises and don't know where they came from, that's a possible explanation. In my case, a bruise that I don't know the exact source of is actually a bruise where I can't tell you which of the assorted desks, walls, chairs, tables, or poles I clipped my hip on actually left the bruise. It is over-explained, not unexplained, but I technically don't know where it came from.

Example the third: Have you been convinced something is wrong with a food or beverage when everyone around you says it's fine?

This was at a psychology intake. Given the context, I'm reasonably certain she wanted to know about paranoia. Here's the thing. I have sensory processing issues. Most people around me think scrambled eggs are food, but the texture means I disagree. Strongly.

Example the fourth: Have you ever been convinced something was medically wrong when the tests were coming back fine and the doctor said you were fine?

Psychology intake again, probably about paranoia again, but let's be real: this also happens to most people with a chronic illness at some point, and they (we) are 100% correct that something is actually wrong. Also, I have an 8 year old dent in my shin that wants you to know doctors can miss broken bones on X-rays.

Example the fifth: Have you ever heard things that other people around you did not hear?

Psychology intake still, standard question I'm pretty sure. They've asked me that every time I've had an intake. Yes. I hear things other people around me don't hear. It's called being 25 and still being able to hear up to 20000  hertz. In combination with sensory processing issues, this is really not fun, because that sound that I am experiencing significant pain from is completely outside the range anyone around me can still hear. Ow. It's not an auditory hallucination, though.