Be Brave (Revolution)

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out.
They say war is necessary,
But we say war is child abuse.
Find the new ways that we must be king,
Instead of leading the young to our suffering.
I wanna see you be brave.

Sign what you wanna sign and let the words fall out.
Don't let them pretend they're saving you!
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down.
There's no one here to save.
I wanna see you be brave.

Write what you wanna write and let the words fall out.
Start a revolution at the break of day.
So we're calling all the crows, they're coming in slow
It's gonna be a showdown, said the rebel to the revolutionary follow me,
We tell the court, you tell the king,
That we ain't listening to you no more!
I wanna see you be brave.

Type what you wanna type and let the words fall out.
You could cut ties with all the lies you've been living in.
It's time to try defying gravity.
Unlimited, together we're unlimited
As someone told me lately,
Everyone deserves the chance to fly.
I wanna see you be brave.



Another echolalic poem. Lyrics (sometimes slightly modified) from:
Brave- Sara Bareilles
People of the Sun- PONS
King of Anything- Sara Bareilles
White Flag Warrior- Flobots
It's My Life-Bon Jovi
Jumper- Third Eye Blind
Calling all Crows- State Radio
Knights of Bostonia- State Radio

The Set List

I think rather echolalically at times. I use lyrics a lot for this.

So I've been throwing around in my head the idea of what set list I  would choose for, say, a concert "for autism." Which is totally code to get more people in in and then hit them with reality in the form of angry Autistic singers. (Mostly Autistic singers- there's a couple songs  I think should be a mix of Autistic and non-autistic singers or just a non-autistic singer, depending on choral arrangements (a cappella is awesome) or more typical band with lead singer sorts of arrangements.)

So, in order:

1. Numb, by Linkin Park.
2. Strangers Fate- first verse and chorus (possibly with first verse of One and Only for a medley), by High Tide, now known as The Saturday Nights. As far as I know, there are no publicly available recordings of Strangers Fate anymore, but here's a link for One and Only.
3. The Jumper, by Third Eye Blind. I think this song should be either mixed or non-autistic singers.
4. People of the Sun, by PONS (another name High Tide/ The Saturday Nights have gone by.)
5. King of Anything, by Sara Barellis. Specifically, I want the version used in the Loud Hands Project video. And to have the video part (not audio) going in the background. Synchronization would get interesting.
6. I'm not sure if I want to finish with Defying Gravity, straight up (Glinda would be a non-autistic singer, Elphaba would be an Autistic singer) or with a blending of Let it Go and Defying Gravity, similar to Let It Defy Gravity but not with the exact same set-up. I'd want to end on Defying Gravity, not Let It Go, and I'd do some of the transitions differently. (Also make Let It Go way louder and and more blatantly defiant than it's being sung.)

I'm not entirely sure about the order of Strangers Fate and Numb, because I'm not sure if "basically losing" (Stranger's Fate) or "knows what the goal is and can't see how to get it" (Numb) is the bigger "low point." But it's those two, then The Jumper, which is fairly straightforwardly someone saying "Just leave it all behind and get out, your life is more important than all that stuff." 

After that, we turn around. People of the Sun still doesn't feel like all that successful a rebellion or of fighting back, but we've got denial that the other people know better and the idea of starting a revolution. The King of Anything video makes a really good transition from the bad space prior to there actually being some revolution type stuff going on. There's momentum! And then Defying Gravity (and Let it Go) are pretty direct defiant middle fingers to expectations of what's right and possible. 

Long story short, BRB figuring out the lyrics and transitions I want for my personal Let It Go/Defying Gravity Medley to close with. 

The Saturday Nights

They are friends of mine. They do music. They've been doing music for a while, actually- they've done stuff under the name High Tide and under the name PONS as well.

I've talked about their lyrics twice before- once on the idea that if we're going down anyways, well, we might as well go down fighting. ("Can we wait? Does it help if our cause is lost? I won't give a second thought, the solution is to trouble the waters my friend. You'd rather watch than sink or swim?")

The other time was about being seen as a failure no matter what you do.

Yeah, heavy stuff, I know. Point is, they have new music and a new page and I'm putting that in your face today. It'd be cool if you checked them out, and yes, they are good at making music.

So here's their new Bandcamp page with an EP you can listen to for free. I might have it on repeat. Maybe. (And that might be a change from having People of the Sun on repeat, that's another of theirs.)
Warning for "insane" used in the song "Gone."
They've also got a Facebook page.

I think I'm out of things to say for the moment.

Book and Song Thoughts

Trigger Warning: references to caregiver violence, ableism, and eugenics

I read a lot of Tamora Pierce's work. I like it. I also listen to a lot of PONS. When I started listening to them, they were called High Tide.
I've been re-reading the entire works of Tamora Pierce lately because I'm writing a thing for FYTortall for them. I finished the rough draft a few days ago, and I think I'm going for a whole book on the topic. We will see. (Very few, if any, of the full-length sections will appear here. I will probably keep blogging short stuff about ideas I have and I might put up a list of topics I'm considering.)
Anyways, from Trickster's Queen:

"He was a great god and could do what he wished with her. If she was going to die, she wanted to die arguing."

That's Aly thinking. She's pretty cool.
The other words I've got in my head are from an older PONS song. It's part of a verse they have since cut, and sadly the only video I've found with the whole second verse is friends only...  (WHY is it that both times I've talked about PONS lyrics I've been unable to actually find a publicly available recording?) The song isn't actually about the stuff I'm getting out of this bit of it, but art's cool like that. (If it were about that, I don't think it would have gotten cut.)

Can we wait? Does it help if our cause is lost?
I won't give a second thought,
The solution is to trouble the waters, my friend.
You'd rather watch than sink or swim?

Yeah, I'm in a "I might not be able to win, but I am at least going to go down fighting" space at the moment. It's what happens when a large portion of the world is convinced that what we really need is for there to not be anymore people like me without even knowing what it means to be like me. Without knowing what it means to be like any of us. Without knowing what it means to be like Amy, or Henry, or Lydia. (Remember, if you're neurotypical and have an autistic kid, your kid won't be exactly like me because HELLO I AM AN ADULT AND YOUR KID IS A KID AND NO TWO PEOPLE ARE EXACTLY THE SAME, but I am like your kid in several important ways.)

Well, sometimes giving up is what happens, but remember, a lot of autistic people are really stubborn. And also we like being alive and we like who we are and maybe we don't think that "make sure no one is ever like us again" is a good goal. I don't.

And a lot of abled people have a lot of power over us. I'm safer from that than a lot of people are, since the services I need are ones that a person can hire due to being a busy professional as opposed to things that everyone knows are for disabled people. I could (and probably will- engineers tend make enough that I should be able to afford it) hire someone to do those things for me without telling them that I'm not actually capable of doing those things. Yes, I know how. No, I can't actually do them, and definitely not in the time frame needed for doing them all myself. But there are a lot of us where changing "great god" to "caregiver" would leave that first quote pretty much true. And a lot of us do die arguing. Some of us only live because we argued, knowing it was probably a lost cause and trying anyways.

So yeah. I'm stubborn. I'll trouble the water. I don't care how many people tell me it's a lost cause, or that I should want people like me to stop existing (why would someone want that?) or whatever else. I'm not going to watch; I'm going to argue.

Strangers Fate

So there is a band that I listen to a lot, called PONS. They used to be called High Tide. And there is one song, which I'm honestly not sure where you can get a copy of it besides from a person who has one since their podcast site stopped existing, called Strangers Fate, that is the one I'm talking about right now. It's one of their oldest ones, from I think 2006. And the refrain sticks out for me. 

Breathing down my neck,
Waiting for just one wrong move,
Just one bad step.
I'm a failure to you,
A failure to you,
Yes I'm a failure to you.

You can probably guess why this sticks in my head so much, if you've been reading my blog for a while. Yeah, it's about autism. Well, the song isn't, as far as I know. I'm pretty sure none of the band members are Autistic or have autism or have Aspergers or anything like that. But the reason that the refrain sticks in my head is about autism, in a way. Just one wrong move, just one bad step. When you're not considered a failure, there is some leeway for error. When you're already a failure and trying (in vain, of course) to redeem yourself, every error is more proof of what a failure you are. Just one wrong move, just one bad step, just one more sign of how broken you truly are, how much of a failure you are. And things that shouldn't even be considered errors are now wrong moves. Things that anyone else could get away with are bad steps. And I think that's what they're talking about here too, because it applies to anyone who has been predetermined to be a failure, regardless of reason. It doesn't have to be "You're autistic, and that means you're a failure just for existing." It can be anything. It can be anyone.

Breathing down my neck, waiting for just one wrong move, just one bad step... 

That's what it's like. It feels like someone is breathing down our necks all day, every day, waiting for one sign of our neurology, one sign that is the proof of how hopeless we are. One flap. One time that we "should" have made eye contact and didn't. One repeated word. One hint of perseveration. One wince from a sound that hurts but that others have determined shouldn't be an issue. Just one "wrong move" that isn't even wrong, shouldn't even be wrong, shows what failures we are because that's how you see us.

Breathing down our necks, waiting for just one wrong move, just one bad step. We are failures to you, failures to you, yes we are failures to you.