"Your taste buds will change"

CN for food and vomit.

That's one of those sentences I read every so often, which is technically true, but which doesn't actually lead to the conclusions I see it used to support. Taste buds really do change with age! This is a thing that happens, and it's part of why there are certain foods kids tend not to like but which adults are more able to tolerate. (I think most alcoholic drinks go in this category, where kids tend not to like the taste anyways?)

As true as it is that tastes change, there's some things my brain has decided I need to explain now about why this doesn't mean getting into a power play with someone over what they eat and how they're "picky"  is a good idea.

1.  You probably don't know what the result of "pushing the issue" is going to be. I don't just mean long term results. I mean short term, in the minutes to hours right after forcing the (in)edible object down. Obviously, you don't expect it to be a big deal, or else you wouldn't be trying to force a "picky" eater to eat something they can't eat. How wrong are you ready to be? TMI alert, last time I made myself drink something that was an issue, it came back up. (If it hadn't been something I was medically supposed to have, I wouldn't have tried. It still didn't work, because it didn't stay down.)
   
2. The fact that someone's tastes may change and they may be able to eat a food later doesn't mean they can tolerate it now. The change hasn't happened yet. So even if you're correct about the nature of the upcoming change, you're still trying to make someone eat something they don't currently tolerate. See point 1.
   
1. Also, even if you were going to be correct, you can cause that not to happen by creating an association between being forced to eat the food and whatever sensory issue it's hitting. That can create a new issue with the food in question, besides taste...
   
3.  The issue may not be the taste. I can't drink anything carbonated. You might think that's a rather broad category for a taste issue. You'd be correct. It's not a taste issue. It's best described as a texture issue, and you've said nothing about texture sensitivities changing. In fact, most of the foods I can't deal with are texture issues, not taste ones.
   
4. The changes in taste may not be the ones you expected or hoped for. Some foods that were issues before can become non-issues, but it can go the other way too. As a very small human, I could eat mushrooms. As an adult human, I can not eat mushrooms. (It's also the texture, not the taste.) Chocolate pudding was a "safe" food for me as a kid. It's about 50-50 on my being able to eat it now. (Texture again. Also, partially related to times when I didn't get the choice about yogurt, which has never been an OK texture and which is close enough to pudding that making yogurt even worse made pudding a problem. See point 2.1.) I ... actually can't think of any foods I can have now that I couldn't deal with as a kid. 

Tastes do change as we get older. That doesn't mean they'll change the way you want them to, or that a possible change that hasn't happened yet justifies acting as if it's already happened. 

Meh. Tired.

There was something in the classroom today that made a sound like a cellphone that's about to die. It went off about every 1-2 minutes. It was annoying everyone, I could tell (mainly because they said so,) and for me it was really obnoxious. I'm not able to keep talking through that sort of thing any more than I can talk through the school bell, so it made participating in class a lot harder. It was also a tone that hurts my ears, so the constant interruptions with ouches was causing problems for getting my concentration back after each interruption. This went on for about the first hour and a quarter of class. Bad. I was on the edge of melting down but there wasn't much of anything I could do about it because I needed to be in class. It wasn't anyone's cell phone. We checked. We couldn't find anything in the room that could be causing the problem. But there it was, that sound, and considering that speaking is a big part of class and also that I'd only gotten, oh, about four and a half hours of sleep, less than half what I need, this was not good.

Yeah. Four and a half hours of sleep. That's what happens sometimes with me and hard deadlines, in this case related to the piece I'm writing (wrote and rewrote) for FYTortall's book. Which is going to be a totally awesome book, I'm sure. That doesn't mean the time spent from 8pm-3am chasing citations and rewriting stuff is time I ever want to spend on that again. It's not. But it's done and I hopefully won't have to do that again. Please. I do not want to do that again. I prefer to write about the cool stuff Tamora Pierce writes at hours when I am properly awake, thank you. [Not everything about how she handles neurodivergent characters is awesome, but I had coherency issues on all the meh representations so my article is mostly talking about the things she did really well. No, really, Zhegorz's character arc is wonderful, for example.]

Oh, and in Chinese class we did an in-class written thing. It was handwritten and I turned it in, so I can't hand it over yet, but I've got all the words that I had to type to check how they were written. (My typing system uses pinyin, and then I choose the character, so if I know the pronunciation and can recognize a character, I can type it. Writing it requires a bit more, at least if I want to write from memory.)

These are the words I had to look up. I really should know how to write a few of those, but... I'm human. I'm better at remembering where information is stored than I am at remembering what the information actually is. That's what psychology says anyways, and that that's why we're all so dependent on Google now, if they're right. Which is actually pretty cool, I think.

污染环境

影响

拿

公司

愿意

拉关系

侵犯

法律

害得

身体健康

能源

Saving My Sensory Hide

I wrote this. It was originally a guest post on Lost and Tired. (The intro suggested it was a bit more specifically aimed at parents than it is, it's really aimed at "anyone who can make any of these things happen" and I was imagining writing to an Autistic adult who had always been told to act less autistic rather than helped to navigate a world not designed for us, possibly with Autistic kids when I did it. I get why, though- parents are his target audience. Picture at the bottom isn't mine either, I think it's a standard stock one.)
I know he and I haven't got the same set of readers (that's why I did the guest post, I'd bet most of my usual readers have seen at least some of these before and his mostly hadn't) but now I'm making sure that my folks have a shot at seeing it too.

Clothing:

1. Certain fabrics can be problems. Which ones will vary from person to person, but don't try to make someone wear a fabric that is a sensory issue. Finding different clothes is worth it. Learning how to make them yourself and then doing so is worth it if it comes to that.
2. Tight clothing may be a problem. If so, do not force your kid to wear stockings, leggings, or other tight clothing. Comfort is a prerequisite to being able to function, and it's still more important than looks.
3. Footwear can also be interesting. Many people do best with crocs, some with sandals, some barefoot. Try different things if shoes are a problem.
4. Some people just can't wear socks. If this is you or your kid, choose shoes accordingly so that you don't get blisters.
5. Short of legal regulations such as requiring shirt and shoes to be served and the issue of indecent exposure, all dress codes can be modified for disability. It's no different from the person who has a doctors note saying that they have to wear sneakers instead of dress shoes.
6. Puberty doesn't make SPD go away. Whatever the requirements for clothing may have been, expect it to continue, and expect either the same requirements or stricter ones to apply to any new undergarments.

Hygiene:

1. Mint is actually a pretty common issue. It's a strong sensation, and people either love it or hate it, and a lot of people with SPD fall into the "hate it" camp. Toothpastes that are not mint flavored may be harder to find, but if mint is an issue, this is more than worth the time. Flosses that are not minty may also be a good idea. If this is an issue, be prepared to argue with the dentist about it, because they will have trouble with this one, especially with older Autistic people.
2. Try all different kinds of toothbrushes. Electric ones are actually worse than manual ones for me, something about the vibration. 
3. If brushing hair is an issue, get a haircut. Comfort is more important than looks, and anyone who tells you different is to be laughed out the door.
4. Unscented soaps and deodorants are your friend.

Food:

1. Bring snacks with you, so you can still eat even if all the food you are provided with is a sensory issue.
2. Mint again: If this is an issue, smell chocolates and other offered desert items before biting. People won’t always tell you that these contain mint because it doesn't register as an important thing to tell people.
3. Carbonated beverages can be painful. If they are for you or for your kid, bring something you can drink. You have no idea how many times I have gone to social events only to find that every beverage they offer is carbonated, and I can't drink them. Even shaking and stirring to try to make them go "flat" isn't enough.
4. Similarly, don’t tell someone that “flat” sodas are OK if carbonation is an issue. They aren't.
5. If water is OK (some people can’t swallow tasteless things,) don’t be afraid to ask for an empty cup and find a sink or water fountain. You don’t even need to disclose a disability for that.
6. There may be a lot of healthy foods that you or your child can’t eat. That’s OK, find the ones you can eat. Yogurt, puddings, and scrambled eggs are all problems for me because of the texture, and re-fried beans aren't great either. But there are other things I can eat. And I concentrate on those instead. Worst case, you need some supplements.
7. As far as the focusing on things you or your child can eat goes: If you don’t have a medical reason that you need to avoid gluten, casein, or any other specific group of foods, don’t try. It’s just going to reduce further the space of things you can eat, and then you will be sad. If you have a medical reason, you obviously need to do it, just be aware and allow extra time for finding things you or your kid can eat.
8. This might lead to eating foods at “strange” or “inappropriate” times. It might also lead to some “strange” snacks. Just go with it. I can’t remember the last time I ate a “typical” breakfast, and I’m fine. It’s just a result of sensory issues.
9. A “try one bite, and if it’s that bad you can spit it out” rule for trying new foods is about the most you can realistically try for with Autistic people, and demanding re-tries of bad foods is not a good idea. If the scent alone is a sensory issue, don’t even push for the bite. It’s not worth it.

Other At Home:

1. People talk about “brushing” as an occupational therapy thing. If you or your kid are or may be seeking for that, go ahead and try it, but if it is uncomfortable, stop immediately. That one specifically is often painful.
2. When people are in sensory overload, they often stim more. Don’t quiet hands them (never quiet hands anyone!) look for what is causing the overload. While some stimming is fun, stimming that is induced by sensory overload is a coping mechanism to avoid insta-meltdown, and it is often just a delaying tactic.
3. Having a sensory room in the house that has a bunch of things with good textures, is at a good level of light (probably adjustable,) is quiet, and has enough space for things like rocking or spinning is a good idea. Exactly what goes in it will depend on specific sensory needs. Even if it is just a corner of a room with a curtain around it, this is hugely useful.
4. Also, if there are multiple people in the household with different sensory needs, they might need separate rooms for this. Plan like every person in the household will all need their sensory space at the same time, and then you’ll be OK even if that happens.
5. Taking a break to calm down and recover after sensory overload is better than pushing it and a meltdown.

Other School/Work/Going Out:

1. Sometimes knowing that a sensation that triggers sensory issues is coming ahead of time can help. If so, having "gets advanced notice of fire drills" or "is seated facing the clock" as accommodations can help.
2. Strobe lights can be extremely disorienting, even for those of us who are not officially considered photosensitive. It's not the same level of dangerous for us as for a person with photosensitive epilepsy unless we actually have photosensitive epilepsy, but it's still good to avoid. Turn flash off if this is an issue.
3. Carry a stim toy, always. By stim toy I mean something you can use to get a sensation for which you are sensory seeking. Maybe carry multiple. Certainly have one that can be used discretely.
4. Noise-cancelling headphones are your friend.
5. Distracting yourself or your kid with a cell-phone, iPad, whatever kind of electronic game ASAP when entering a potentially overloading environment can be a lifesaver. If this is what’s going on, don’t take the device away.
6. Even when you're out, still don't stop a person from using their "sensory overload coping" stims. No matter how embarrassing you think they are, a those plus a meltdown is even more embarrassing for you and your kid, plus painful for your kid. Exiting the situation is a better choice.

Many of the tips in this post were adapted from these prior posts of mine:

Aitports, Airplanes

Sensory Friendly Diets, Or Why I Eat Weird

Sensory Processing Disorder-Autism Parenting (I reviewed their article of the same title and added my own tips.)

Airports, Airplanes

One of those "Alyssa answers a question" things:
iamthegps posts:

On April 25th, I’m traveling to Costa Rica with a school trip and while I am very much looking forward to it, I’m not so much looking forward to being in an airport for the first time, much less two airports within a couple hours of each other. So I decided to search the internet for advice on how to manage getting through airports when you’re autistic and I found exactly nothing. All I could dredge up was a couple of articles on how to travel with your child and one about how embarrassing it was for somebody when her kid had a meltdown on the plane. Nothing about how to deal with crowds or TSA or getting your tickets or anything (also known as advice I’d really appreciate being given). So yeah, any advice would be greatly welcomed, and thanks in advance.

I've studied abroad four times, the first and third times I did my traveling/airporting alone, with the second and fourth done in school groups.
When alone, you need to actually pay attention to stuff. With a school group, one person will take care of finding all the things, so make sure you don't volunteer to be that person, then bring whatever you use when you want to tune out the world and do so. Make sure one member of the group is aware that you are tuning out to the best of your ability and ask them to make sure you don't get left behind. If that is the case, skip the next several things because someone else is taking care of it for you. They may ask for your passport, and you may need to follow them for one piece if you are checking a bag.
If you're alone, just arrive early enough that you can take a few tune-out breaks if needed.
If you can pack everything you need into your carry-on allowance, you can do electronic check-in for most flights, even many international flights. This reduces the need for interacting with people, but requires packing very light. It can be done- I packed for two months in China within my carry-on allowance, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
There will be signs pointing to where things are, check-in is generally near the entrance. Read the signs on the check-in booths, because different booths are for different airlines.
Use all rolling suitcases except for a possible backpack. Just do it.
Make sure that at least one rolling suitcase is packed in a way such that you can sit on it. There will be lines you need to "stand" in, and this suitcase is your new portable chair.
Bring communication cards with things like "where is the bathroom?" and "where is security?" and "where is check-in?" just in case.
Bring entertainment. Delays are a thing. I wound up with an eight hour delay alone in Toronto when I was sixteen, and I have never traveled without laptop, book, notebook, and pen since.
Know what the contingency plans are for overnight delays at middle points if you have to transfer. Knowing what happens if the first thing goes not as planned is helpful for avoiding meltdowns and also because you don't want to sleep on a hotel couch in the basement when a six hour delay on one end (Shanghai) gets you stuck (Toronto again) alone in a country that won't let a minor get a hotel room alone. It is not fun.
Don't use Air Canada for international flights unless you have time for major delays.
If you can smile at security and ask how their day is going, they will be nicer to you. (Might only apply to white and white-passing.)
If you pack too light (backpack only, for example), people get suspicious and might pat you down. Have a carry-on suitcase in addition to the backpack, because patdowns are not fun.
There are metal detectors, which are not optional if that is where they send you. There are also millimeter wave things and X-ray things, some of which you may refuse, but you will be patted down if you do so. If you are sensitive to touch, don't refuse.
Noise cancelling headphones are your friend. Or earplugs. Assuming you can use them, that is.
Some people can sleep on planes, some can't. Go ahead and try, but do not base "getting enough sleep" on the assumption that you can unless and until you have experience that says you can.
If this is your first time flying, try to get a window seat. It's worth it. I've flown a lot, and I am still a nose-to-the-window flyer. It also gives you control over open/closed in case of airsickness.
Don't ask for details about how security works. You can (and should!) look them up online beforehand, but asking while there will make people suspicious. Suspicious TSA (Transportation Security Administration) agents give pat down searches.
Do not bring a full water bottle through security. They will throw it away.
You can bring an empty refillable water bottle through security, though.
You can also bring food. Bring a comfort/stim food.
Have stim toys in your carry-on, preferably in the smaller backpack that you put under the seat in front of you so you can access it during the flight in addition to while in the airport.
At security, they will make you take your shoes off. Wear shoes that you can take off and put on quickly and  easily. They will let you keep your socks on, so wear socks if you don't want to be completely barefoot for that part. If your socks having touched the (admittedly kind of gross) airport floor at security will bother you, pack a spare pair of socks in an easily reachable spot in your carry-on.
Liquid that you can bring through security is limited. If you aren't picky about shampoo or won't be going for long enough for a 3oz container to run out, this isn't as big a deal, but otherwise, make sure it is in a checked bag. If this and/or sunscreen is the only reason you need to check a bag, you may be able to stick to carry-on by asking a friend to put these two things in their bag and offering to carry an equivalent amount of stuff of theirs in your bag. (That won't work travelling alone, unfortunately.)

Sensory Friendly Diets, Or Why I Eat Weird

There is no one sensory friendly diet that is going to satisfy the sensory needs of every Autistic person. It just can't be done, and people who try to tell you that they have found one are some combination of confused, lying, and selling something, probably the diet book. 

One example of conflicting sensory needs: I was staying with an Autistic friend of mine, and we were eating different things from each other basically the whole time. She is sensory seeking for mint, and sensory defensive for spicyness above a threshold most people probably consider reasonable. I have exactly zero tolerance for mint, as in, I have melted down in the dentists office when the floss turned out to be waxed with a mint scented wax. They couldn't even smell it at all, and I melted down. Or I have opened the wrong bin of cookies and flipped out, running all the way across the room before anyone else realized I had opened a bin, because the smell of the mint chips was that bad. A friend had to put his nose about an inch from the cookie and inhale to smell it. So that's already rather incompatible. Now add major seeking for spiciness. I have snacked on jalapeños, both pickled and not. I still do, on a regular basis. When I make chilli, the chilli powder and cayenne powder are both measured with a measuring cup. I have been told that no one else can eat my chilli, but to me it is perfect. I have also snacked on other kinds of hot peppers. My second time in China, I went out with friends the last night, and I ate all the hot peppers out of one of the dishes. I think my record was thirteen of them in my mouth at once, chew, swallow. No one else was even able to eat one. When I say I a, sensory seeking for spicy, I mean it.

Or different people will have different texture needs. Or some people do have celiac or milk allergies or other kinds of intolerance that they need to work around in addition to satisfying the sensory needs. There is no way to do it with just one diet to fit all of us. That might be why when a bunch of Autistics get together, you see a bunch of different kinds of food. We are all trying to satisfy our different sensory needs. 

For me, I have my complete intolerance for all things mint, my seeking for most things spicy, seeking for something about olives, and then the rest is mostly textural. Pasta has a great texture. Refried beans have a kind of bad texture. Scrambled eggs are horrible. Hard boiled are the only eggs I can choke down, and even then it's bad. Yogurt is inedible. On bad sensory days, pudding joins it there. Carbonated anything is impossible, even when it's "flat." 

My sensory issues are mostly not a big deal as far as finding food goes, though I think that has more to do with always having been allowed choices in what I eat than in the number of things I can eat. There are plenty of healthy things I can have, and I always got to focus on those rather than needing to choke down the ones I can't eat. (Well, except when I was on antibiotics for whatever reason and I was supposed to eat live culture yogurt. Pain. Pain and misfortune. Alas and alack. Bad bad bad bad bad. Yogurt is made of fail. It needs to remain in other people's possession, not mine. If that can't be accomplished, then it needs to be banned.) Cream cheese and cottage cheese are just as bad as yogurt, if not worse. I don't even like to touch cream cheese. It's disgusting. 

My sensory issues might be part of why I eat dinner leftovers for breakfast instead of eating typical breakfast food. A lot of the things I can't eat are considered part of breakfast foods, after all. Yeah, I'm just thinking in print right now. I'm not super articulate all the time. 

Sensory Processing Disorder-Autism Parenting

Autism Parenting Magazine is now a thing- it's available on the iPad (yay, I got one of those for graduation.) Of course, it is heavily from the perspective of parents, since it is a parenting magazine. As such, I'm not going to fault it for the fact that the articles are all directed at parents. I will, however, be reading every article from at least the first two issues that I can get for free and possibly continuing past that point. At $2.99/month, I think I can find out what it is that parents are being told they should do and explain why it's wrong. (Yes, Autism Parenting Magazine, you're going to be wrong about many things. Just looking at your cover tells me that.) Every article is getting, shall we say, corrected.

I begin with the first article. It starts on page four of the December 2012 issue, the first ever, and its title is "Sensory Processing Disorder."

The first thing they did wrong is make an article in Autism Parenting claim to be just about Asperger's when it is really about the whole Autistic spectrum and some people who aren't even on the spectrum. Something like 80% of Autistic people have sensory processing disorder (SPD), and that holds across all of the subsets.

The initial description of SPD is reasonable, though the anxiety, depression, and school failure described as being possible results "if the disorder is not treated effectively" are quite easily results of many of the therapies used to "treat" SPD as well as possible problems that people with SPD can face. Be very wary of most treatments, as the most effective thing to do is generally to try to avoid sensory triggers. Occupational therapy can be helpful in some cases, but finding ways to avoid triggers (some of which were listed, and those methods are good) is often the better choice. Additionally, while hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity are, in fact, common issues, many sensory processing differences are not as simple as hyper and hyposensitivity. There is also sensory seeking and sensory avoidance, which may or may not match up along the hyper and hyposensitivity lines that you might expect. A person can, in fact, be sensory seeking for something they are hypersensitive to because the sensation is just that good. It can also be more complicated than simple hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity for senses as a whole by way of being more or less sensitive to single sensations, such as my hypersensitivity to mint and hyposensitivity to spices. Both are oral sensations, so calling me simply orally hypersensitive or orally hyposensitive would be incomplete.

As a first introduction to sensory processing disorder, this article is fairly good, though it should make it more clear that this is an autism issue in general as opposed to being just an Asperger's issue and put more emphasis on finding ways to avoid triggers rather than occupational therapy, which often involves forcing triggers onto people while they melt down until it doesn't make them melt down anymore, as in the case of brushing. Some people with sensory processing disorder may, in fact, like brushing, but if it is painful, it is painful and is not acceptable to do to a child.

And finally, here are a few tricks for SPD that I think are important but were not mentioned in the article:

• Mint is actually a pretty common issue. It's a strong sensation, and people either love it or hate it, and a lot of people with SPD fall into the "hate it" camp. Toothpastes that are not mint flavored may be harder to find, but if mint is an issue, this is more than worth the time. Flosses that are not minty may also be a good idea.
• Sometimes knowing that a sensation that triggers sensory issues is coming ahead of time can help. If so, having "gets advanced notice of fire drills" or "is seated facing the clock" as accommodations can help.
• Try all different kinds of toothbrushes. Electric ones are actually worse than manual ones for me, something about the vibration.
• Bring snacks with you, so you can still eat even if all the food you are provided with contains sensory badness.
• Carbonated beverages can be painful. If they are for you or for your kid, bring water or something else you can drink. You have no idea how many times I have gone to social events only to find that every beverage they offer is carbonated, and I can't drink them. Even shaking and stirring to try to make them go "flat" isn't enough.
• If hairbrushing is an issue, get a haircut. Comfort is more important than looks, and anyone who tells you different is to be laughed out the door.
• Certain fabrics can be problems. Which ones will vary from person to person, but don't try to make someone wear a fabric that is a sensory issue. Finding different clothes is worth it.
• Strobe lights can be extremely disorienting, even for those of us who are not officially considered photosensitive. It's not the same level of big deal for us as for a person with photosensitive epilepsy unless we actually have photosensitive epilepsy, but it's still good to avoid. Turn flash off if this is an issue.
• Unscented soaps and deodorants are your friend.
• Tight clothing may be a problem. If so, do not force your kid to wear stockings, leggings, or other tight clothing. Comfort is a prerequisite to being able to function, and it's still more important than looks.
• Footwear can also be interesting. Many people do best with crocs, some with sandals, some barefoot. Try different things if shoes are a problem.
• Along the lines of footwear, some people just can't wear socks. If this is you or your kid, choose shoes accordingly so that you don't get blisters.

• Short of legal regulations such as requiring shirt and shoes to be served and the issue of indecent exposure, all dress codes can be modified for disability. It's no different from the person who has a doctors note saying that they have to wear sneakers instead of dress shoes.
• Carry a stim toy, always. By stim toy I mean something you can use to get a sensation for which you are sensory seeking. Maybe carry multiple. Certainly have one that can be used discretely.
• Puberty doesn't make SPD go away. Whatever the requirements for clothing may have been, expect it to continue, and expect either the same requirements or stricter ones to apply to any new undergarments.

More Than Two Options

Trigger Warning: Passing mentions of ABA and similar therapies

I keep seeing people (mostly people who support therapies that base themselves heavily on compliance, like ABA) arguing that not doing these therapies means leaving Autistic people untaught and providing them with no help. I don't know how it happened, but I keep seeing people assume that there is a binary choice. We can:

1. Provide intensive therapies to teach an Autistic person "skills" that are really more like "acting neurotypical" 
2. Do nothing.

The idea that there are only two choices is reflected in comments people make about how compliance based therapies are necessary . No, they aren't. Teaching is important, education is important, learning is important. Compliance-based therapies are not, and are often in direct opposition to what we really need to learn. People tend to compliance type therapies are needed and important because either compliance is convenient or because they do not realize that compliance in the sense it is used in most autism therapies is not a prerequisite for teaching or learning and can inhibit education! Yes, really. Some people consider education to be learning how to learn and think, and that is not something that can be taught through compliance. Only compliance and rote can be taught that way, and the cost of compliance is unreasonable.

What people are missing is a third choice, the choice of providing supports (some of which might be therapy-related) to autistic people in order to help us navigate the world as autistic people and to set the boundaries we need to set. Before you ask, yes, there is a difference between this and most therapies, which tend to ask autistic people to act like their non-autistic age peers or to repeat the same tasks over and over. Acting not-autistic is usually either impossible or requires so much work that little else can be done, the repetition leads to boredom, frustration, and eventually acting out from frustration. Remember, every behavior is the act of an autonomous being who has reasons for acting as they do, and understanding why violent outbursts happen is going to be much more useful than simply punishing them. For everyone involved.

When someone gives you a binary choice between ABA or similar therapies and doing nothing, call them on it. Either they are willfully misleading you or they have been misled. When someone tells you that no therapy is dooming a child to a life of suffering, call them on it. Either they are willfully misleading you or they have been misled. When someone tells you that compliance based therapy is the only way to teach a disabled person, call them on it. Either they are willfully misleading you or they have been misled. There is an option C.