Note For Anyone Writing About Me

Guide to Writing About Me

I am an Autistic person,not a person with autism. I am also not Aspergers. The diagnosis isn't even in the DSM anymore, and yes, I agree with the consolidation of all autistic spectrum stuff under one umbrella. I have other issues with the DSM.

I don't like Autism Speaks. I'm Disabled, not differently abled, and I am an Autistic activist. Self-advocate is true, but incomplete.

Citing My Posts

MLA: Zisk, Alyssa Hillary. "Post Title." Yes, That Too. Day Month Year of post. Web. Day Month Year of retrieval.

APA: Zisk, A. H. (Year Month Day of post.) Post Title. [Web log post]. Retrieved from http://yesthattoo.blogspot.com/post-specific-URL.

Monday, September 30, 2013

A Carnival of Aces: #Disability and #Asexuality

It's October 2013, and I am hosting this month's Carnival of Aces. What this means is that I choose a theme (Disability and Asexuality) and put out a call for submissions (this) and then people can write stuff and send it to me.

So:
The theme is Disability and Asexuality.
Things you could think about include:

  • Assumptions that disabled people are asexual...
    • Ways this hurts sexual disabled people
    • Ways this hurts abled asexual people
    • Ways this hurts asexual disabled people
    • Something else?
  • What happens when disabled people actually are asexual?
    •  Trouble admitting it to ourselves?
    • Trouble admitting it to others?
    • People insisting it's internalized ableism?
    • "Well, no one would want you anyways..."
    • Something else?
  • People treating asexuality like a mental disability
  • Ableism in some asexual spaces
  • Parallels between how society handles asexuality and disability
Lydia Brown gave a talk at the University of Washington that is super-duper relevant, and there is more information on that here. I suggest taking a look. (As far as I know, there is not a transcript. Sads.)

Erin wrote something relevant to how assuming disabled people are asexual hurts (one specific, queer) sexual disabled person.

You can also totally look at the Spectral Amoebas carnival from 2011 for ideas, plus Caroline Narby wrote about autism and asexuality during her Double Rainbow series. [Yeah, I might keep running into stuff worth looking at for ideas while working on my paper on the erasure of Queer Autistic people.]

Now, submissions:
You can send them to autisticflashblogs@gmail.com. You can leave a comment on this post. You can use my Tumblr submit box. You can message Yes, That Too on Facebook. I will get all of these things. If you don't have a blog, I am more than happy to post your piece on my blog. If you do have a blog but want reprinted anyways, I am happy to do that too. (I'll link to your copy in the end-of-the-month masterpost and in said reprint.) You don't have to be reprinted if you don't want to.
 
If you want reprinted or you are being published only on my blog because you don't have your own, the sooner you get your piece to me the better. If you get the link to me by October 30th, I will have you in the initial posting. If you get a piece for sole publication on my blog to me by October 20th, it should get a day to itself on my blog, by October 30th and it will be published in time for the initial master post. Reprint links given to me after October 20th may be reprinted after the master post. Getting retroactively added and/or published remains open essentially forever- I know disability can affect executive functioning!
 
Things that are submitted do need to have been written in October (or a later, executive functioning etc.) That doesn't mean you can't cite earlier stuff you or someone else wrote, it just means there needs to be new content. Things that are not blogs or not written are also fine.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Tianjin Life

Blog post about life in Tianjin written for class.

我在天津的生活有好的,也有不好的。(实际上,不好的大多不是天津的问题。但是,因为我住在天津的时候面对这些问题,所以还是跟我在天津的生活有关系。)
我的室友真的对我很好。她买水果的时候她买多一点给我吃。我早睡的时候,她关大灯,只开小灯。(我买水果的时候,我也买多一点给她吃。而且,我早起的时候,我不开灯。)我们几次一起去吃饭:大多是去吃面。我和我的室友都喜欢吃面,而且面比较便宜。如果我有中文问题,她愿意帮助我。我的室友真的很好。
我的单办课老师也很好。虽然他和我的室友都看不懂我的数学课本(是因为他们难以了解数学,而不是语言的问题,)在中文课他是很好的老师。他给我看的文章有意思。最后20分钟的内容有时候是继续谈他找的文章。
我也有一些不太好的事情。这个周末,我感冒了。我流鼻涕,头疼,太累了。一边感冒,一边有月经其太麻烦。
除了身体不舒服的问题以外,我的心理问题也给我问题。从小时候,我有执行功能的问题。这个问题在踢我的屁股。例如说,我在初中,高中找不到办法每天在家做好我每天的作业。我平常上一门课的时候做另外一门课的作业。上大学的时候,我选的课大多是只要考试就行了这样的课。暂且不论课的内容难不难,我最难的课都是每次上课都要交作业的课。现在,因为我两个“解决”(真的还没解决,而比什么都不做好一点)这个问题的做法都不行,所以我的问题现在比以前更严重。我还不知道最好怎么办。(每天都吃三顿饭,洗澡等也是问题,而这些问题对学习产生的影响没有作文和预习问题对学习产生的影响那么深刻。)

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Little Things

Sometimes, activism means talking to the people and groups that have power now. Sometimes. Not always.
Sometimes, the day-to-day can make a huge difference. Maybe not in terms of systems, but in terms of something important clicking for one person. That's how change starts.

I want to talk about some of those things that happened.
My tutor and I were talking about computers. That's because the unit we're working on in Chinese is one about international business (whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.) He asked a bunch of good questions, getting me to think about stuff and answer in Chinese. That included things like what you would do for a computer getting used where it's really cold (the case should probably not be metal,) where it's hot (you need a better cooling fan,) and things like that. Then he asked a question that confused me. I remember hearing how when someone tells a sexist joke, one of the things you can do is to feign confusion and try to get them to eventually come out and say that it's funny because girls are *insert insult here.* Yeah, no. I was actually confused. He asked what changes might be needed to market a computer to girls. So I was confused. I said I didn't know what gender had to do with it, because I don't. He asked me what I use my computer for. I use it to do homework, surf the web, write stuff, and play games. I also use it to store documents. He said, "Oh," because that's pretty much the same stuff he does with his computer. 
And rather than get annoyed at me for thinking that trying to market a computer to a gender wasn't the best idea and it'd be smarter to market it based on what people are going to do with it, he agreed that marketing based on use was smarter. Then he asked a different question. He asked what a person using their computer for art would want (my guess is a touch screen and high resolution.) He asked what someone using their computer for games would want (I don't need to guess- a good graphics/video card and a lot of memory!)
Little things: my tutor may well have one stereotype less. [He also now knows that the same computer can get used by the same person for both art and gaming.]
My roommate studies English. It's not her major (teaching Chinese as a second language is her major,) but it's a class she takes. She'd been looking for a book that's in English and uses fairly simple language. I handed her my contributor copy of Loud Hands: Autistic People Speaking. I told her I had a piece in it. 
She's reading it. And the first person she associates with "autism"? An adult. Specifically, me. I'm no more representative of the entire population of autistic people than any one person ever is, but she's actually going to know, first-hand, that autistic adults exist
Little things: my roommate is reading Loud Hands to practice her English.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Neurodiversity Michigan Begins

Warning: These are my responses to things with problematic elements. There may be references to ableism, bigotry by ignoring differences, and disease models of autism.

So there is a class about autism, culture, and representation going on at the University of Michigan. They made a website with student posts, which can be commented on publicly. You can find the whole thing here.
I am commenting. Not on everything, there's a whole class worth of stuff and I'm in China studying abroad and I have my own stuff to deal with like finishing editing my Neurodiversity in Tamora Pierce essay for FYT Writes a Book and figuring out where my paper on the erasure of Queer Autistic people can get published and actually doing my study abroad stuff. But some. I'm putting my comments here, too, so that my readers can see them. 
Hi!
I think that the way language works is really important to think about here: if you don't have access to the words to describe something, you're not going to be able to do so using language, and lacking the words to describe power dynamics between various neurominorities and the majority who are close enough to the mythical norm to get privilege from it doesn't make the dynamic go away. I think that's why the word "neurotypical" is important. Because "Autistic people and normal people" has implications to it that "Autistic people and allistic people" or "neurodivergent people and neurotypical people" doesn't have, even if neurotypical does literally mean neurologically typical.
[Think sociology and how people don't seem to think of heterosexual as a sexual orientation, but it is one- neurotypical is a neurology, even if folks tend not to think of it.]
On Perspective, I said:
Hi Aaron, 
I'm also an engineer- I'm in mechanical engineering, math, and Chinese, though I did research in a chemical engineering lab for a while. I think it's super-important to have more people in STEM fields who know at least some about disability, especially since we kind of design the world the next generation is going to live in.
I think the point you make about how recovery has a lot of important stuff tied up in it is good. I've never had anyone suggest that I've recovered from my gender when I do something where I'm the only girl, but my doing things where I'm the only Autistic person sometimes leads to people thinking or saying I must have "recovered" from autism. Which is silly! How would I recover from my neurology?
And yeah, Autism Speaks being seen as grassroots. It's got some support that could be called that, but they did not start off as anything like grassroots and I think it'd be a lie to call them grassroots. They're pretty top-down in everything except perhaps fundraising, where having at least some grassroots-looking stuff will get them more money and they know it.
On Learning to Live, I said:
Your point about people being too focused on changing their loved ones and not thinking about learning to live as they are is important. I do want to point out that autism is a neurotype, not a disease- diseases are generally things like malaria, cancer, etc- dangerous by nature, something that you try to cure, something that is not a natural part of the person.
Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "the disease aspect." Do you mean the difficult parts of being autistic? We can't ignore those when trying to find ways of making Autistic life easier, since making life easier means looking at the hard parts and trying to help with those. Do you mean the stigma part? Ignoring stigma unfortunately doesn't make it go away. So I'm not sure what that aspect is.
So there's that. I'm sure I'll say more, and I'll probably put that more up here.  

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Internet Helping With Something

Chinese assignment, written about economic inequality stuff and the internet. There's a Chinese internet thing happening that could actually help some, especially if the government meets its goal of getting every Chinese person internet access by 2020.

随着中国的现代化,更多中国人能上网做事。网络对中国社会(国际社会)产生又广泛又深刻的影响。网络可以找到的事多,从社会问题的讨论到运动报告,从食谱到市场,什么都找得到。网络让个人的生活更方便。除了加方便以外,网络也会解决社会问题。
经济失调是中国社会面对的主要问题之一。虽然中国越来越发达,但是大部分的受益者已经是有产者。所有国家都有经济失调问题,难以解决这个问题。网络有帮助,特别是淘宝网这样的网站会有帮助。虽然中国的网民只有中国人口的44%(发达的国家平实77%可以上网,)但是网络零售额已经有所有的零售额的7%,今年会超过美国的网络零售额。而且,中国政府要2020年前让所有的中国人都会上宽带网络。
让所有的人都可以上网跟解决经济失调有什么关系呢?看淘宝农村的例子。中国农村和城市贫富差距很大。一个原因是农民从旧没有办法在农村转钱。他们可以去城市打工或者在家耕种。而且,他们只能把农产品和特产卖给本村人,附近地方人,或者自己来农村的人。卖给本村人和附近地方人的粮食少因为农民有自己的粮食,卖给农村外的人少因为来农村的人少。有了网络后农民可以卖给更多的人:中国的城市人和外国人都能上网买农产品和特产。

现在,农村的网民可以用淘宝卖农产品和特产,从而他们会一边呆在家一边转钱。对以前潜在的客户相比,农民在淘宝上的潜在客户多多了。虽然网络,淘宝农村还没完全解决经济失调问题(一件事肯定不会完全解决难以解决的社会问题,)但是农民通过淘宝把农产品和特产卖向全世界这样是对中国经济失调最大的帮助之一。如果中国政府2020年前让所有的中国人当网民的机会有好处,淘宝会在解决经济失调有更大的帮助。

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Sprouting Lightning

I write fanfiction sometimes. This was actually on Archive of our Own (A03) first.

Warning: I'm depicting a bit of a meltdown here. Not particularly graphic, mostly the crying kind.

(I say meltdown because I read Tris as autistic.)

“Tris?” Sandry said. “Your hair?”
Tris raised her hand to her bandanna, which had once again fallen off, leaving her frizzy red hair uncovered. She grabbed a lock of hair and pulled it around to look. It was sprouting lightning. She groaned.
“I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't even want it. Why is my hair sprouting lightning when I'm not even upset?!
“You don't sound 'not even upset,' Coppercurls,” their foster-brother drawled, “though all I see is a real bad case of Runog's Fire.”
“Thanks ever so,” Tris snapped.
“She wasn't, though,” Daja said. “Until Sandry pointed out that she was sprouting lightning.”
“Is it getting worse? I mean- more?” Tris said. She did not need this. No no no no no.
“It doesn't look like it,” Sandry said.
“Well, that's something.” Tris said. She started pulling the seed lightning from her hair. More came to replace it. “AUGH!”
Lark entered, rubbing her eyes drowsily. “What's wrong?”
Lightning is wrong. I knew I could make it when I was angry, like with the pirates, but...”
“You didn't expect it to happen every time you were upset?”
Tris sniffed. “I wasn't!”
“But you are now, dear. Sit tight, I'll put the kettle on. Do any of you know where Niko is?”
The four children shook their heads. “Away,” Tris said. “This morning there was a note saying I should meditate as usual for the start of our lesson time, and then I was free. He knows that means I'll read.”
“He didn't say where he was going?”
Tris shook her head.
“Do you know when he'll be back?”
Tris nodded. “Late tonight, I think. Could... could you maybe leave a message with the people in charge of his rooms that he should come here as soon as he can? I don't want to go myself when I don't know what my hair is even doing.”
“Or course I can, dear. It will be all right.”
“And if it's not, well, you just chuck lightning at people until they pretend it is, right?” Briar said.
Tris glared daggers at her brother. “Oh? Remember the time you were sprouting lightning?”
“But I can't throw it a'purpose!” he insisted. “Plus, yours doesn't seem to be going nowhere. It's just sitting there, in your hair.”
“At least for now.”
Sandry looked thoughtful. “If you wove some of your lightning together as a sort of cloth, would the rest of the lightning stay behind it?”
Tris stared at Sandry, then looked down at the lightning in her hand. It was still dancing around her fingers. Staying in one place wasn't something lightning seemed to do: it was the movement of energy that made it, after all. “How?”
“Well, Daja's fire-weavings-”
“Not that kind of how, how do I make lightning act like thread?”
“Maybe if I work through you?”
Lark interrupted them. “If you're going to start playing with magic you've never tried before- that, no one has ever tried before, you need a protective circle first.”
“So that if we blow ourselves up, we only blow ourselves up?” Tris asked.
“Exactly.” That was Rosethorn. “No taking others with you while you attempt the impossible.”
Sandry looked at Rosethorn. “Why would it be impossible?”
Rosethorn looked at Lark, then at Sandry. “Lightning burns thread. Thread mages shouldn't be able to weave with it.”
“What about fire?” Briar insisted. “She wove that.”
“Which should also be impossible,” Rosethorn informed them. “If you four didn't have a history of impossible, your answer would be 'Don't even think about it.'”
Tris rubbed her forehead. “And the problem I'm having right now?”
“Also impossible. Or it should be.”
“Great.” Tris said. “We're going to make a protective circle so we can try something impossible to fix a problem that's impossible to have, and the only reason you're letting us do it is because of other impossible things. Sound about right?”

Monday, September 23, 2013

Autism: Not very specific

I have just seen someone claim that certain characters sometimes read as autistic (often by autistic people) are bad because "autism isn't an accessory" (well, yes, I know that, having lived my entire life Autistic, funny how that works.) The other thing was about how autism is really specific, which I guess was implying that only some small segment of autistic-read characters actually could be? Yeah, "specific." That's hilarious. So I did some math.

There are 616 ways to choose the minimal requirements for "classic" autism under DSM-IV-TR. That is at least 2 from A.1, 1 each from A.2 and A.3, and a total of at least 6. That can be done in 616 ways, before we even get into the possibility of someone doing more than MINIMALLY meeting criteria, qualifying instead for an Asperger's diagnosis, or any known autistic traits that are not listed in the DSM. Not all of those ways include a speech delay, by the way. If you are under the (mistaken) impression that you must have the speech delay or lack of speech for it to be "classic" autism, you are reduced to 280 of the 616 minimally classically autistic options- that's a little under half. But you'd be wrong, because the DSM-IV-TR doesn't say that. It just says that Asperger's can't have the speech delay, not that classic autism must. So there's 616 ways to minimally meet criteria.
For total ways to meet DSM-IV criteria for "classic" autism, I went for complimentary counting. [Math teaching assistant, this is a thing I can do.] There are 2361 different combinations of DSM-IV-TR traits which meet criteria. That's a lot. 
Now there's the possibility of Asperger's. Asperger's has 24 minimal possibilities, 320 total using just the criteria for Asperger's itself rather than using combinations of classic autism criteria that will meet Asperger's but not classic autism. There are another 300 ways to have at least one trait from A.2 of classic autism but still meet criteria for Asperger's instead.
Oh, and there's PDD-NOS! The 148 combinations that would meet criteria for Asperger's except that they had a speech delay go here. That means either 4 or 5 of the traits from the classic autism criteria with at least 2 from A.1 and 1 each from A.2 and A.3, where one of them is the speech delay. I don't know exactly what else fits under PDD-NOS, so I won't get into that, but there's going to be other things. Use 148 as the lower bound.
So from the DSM-IV-TR criteria, we can choose things to check off in 3129 different ways which will all count as some sort of autistic.
That's a lot, right?
We're not done.
There are known autistic traits which are not in the DSM. (Sensory processing issues are really common, and so is alexthymia.) There are criteria which can be met in multiple different ways. (Differences in body language/eye contact can be extra eye contact, no eye contact, flat affect, expressions completely different from those neurotypicals would use to convey a given emotion, or differences in posture for various situations.) There are personality traits that people don't think of as being related to autism. All of those affect how an autistic person or character will present. 
Still think autism is specific?

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Math and Graph and China

I answered a question in my math class. I'm actually super proud of myself right now, mostly because the class is in China, conducted in Chinese. And I was able to explain, on the fly, my answer to a math question in Chinese so that the teacher and my classmates understood what I said. He didn't go rephrase for me, so I hope my classmates understood! The question was to explain what a bipartite graph is. (谁可以介绍偶图是什么?)
 Basically, a bipartite graph is a graph where you can take the points (vertices) and split them into two groups. If two points are in the same group, there isn't a line directly connecting them. If they're in different groups, there could be a line connecting them. [A graph is a bunch of points with lines connecting some pairs. A point can be unconnected to any other points, or to all the points, or anything in between.]
 And minus the explanation of what a graph is, plus using slightly more mathy words for things, that's pretty much what I said in Chinese.
 如果一个图是偶图,那么可以把顶点分开,放在两部分。如果两个顶点再一样的一部分,这双顶点没有边。如果两个顶点再不同的部分,可以(不一定)有边。

Friday, September 20, 2013

What It Means

Trigger Warning: Ableism/erasure

This is a piece I wrote for the MOOC on Disability. Yeah. Um. I'm a wee bit nervous about it because I see plenty of disabled perspectives on other disabilities, but autism seems to get mostly relative (esp parent) perspectives and that's seriously not OK.

Disability has meant different things to me at different times. When I was little, really little, it didn't really mean anything to me because I didn't know anything about it. It wasn't really talked about, which is weird, considering that I'm partially named after my aunt who had multiple disabilities. My middle name was her name. But it wasn't talked about much.
Like, really, it wasn't talked about. My first memory related to disability is one that I didn't even realize at the time was related to disability. I was eight or so, and I'd just read an article in a magazine talking about a family with an autistic son. He sounded a lot like me. I asked my mom if I was autistic. I don't remember all the details, but the answer gave me several impressions: 1) Autism is bad. [Not a good impression to give the autistic 8 year old...] 2) Autism is the kid rocking in the corner [something I do when upset, actually] who can't speak [I vary from no speech at all to here let me tell you all about everything have all the words depending on a lot of things.] 3) Gifted kids are weird, and that's all that's up with me. [Wrong, wrong, wrong.] I don't think the word disability came up in the conversation, though I'm sure it was in the article. It didn't stick out. The fact that this boy had so much in common with me and that I had most of the traits they said were signs of autism? That's what stuck out.
When I was nine, they sent me in for testing. Disability wasn't talked about there, either, at least not to me. I've since found out that my elementary school was convinced I had something pretty much from the start, so I'd guess that's related. I've also since found out that there were some “findings” the person evaluating me wanted to talk to my mother about but left off the report to the school.
I think the first time I heard about disability where people actually used that word was when my mom was talking about her sister. One story that I've heard a ton of times was about how my aunt, who didn't speak until she was eight or nine, carried around a Sears catalog and pointed to words to communicate. Considering other things that we know about her and the fact that autism runs in families, my guess is that she was autistic too, in addition to the other stuff she had.
I wasn't really sure what disability meant, still. People didn't talk about it. I might have defined it as “that thing no one really talks about.”
Eventually we managed to find out that yes, I really am Autistic. The meaning of disability had to get a lot more defined at that point, since it became a label that I knew applied to me.
Disability is a part of a person, but it's also imposed on a person. It's complicated. The set of abilities that we have? The stuff that we can and can't do? That's part of us, part of who we are. The discrimination, the lack of accommodation, the stuff that turns it from “this is a thing I can't do” into a disability? That comes from outside- it's a social construction. A lot of people get confused because they think that social construction somehow means not real, and that's not what it means at all. A lot of the time, it means assigning values and expectations to things that are already there, maybe trying to fit people into boxes that don't really work, like when people think disability means “can't do anything.”

At this point, I think disability is what we get when society fails at making things accessible and Disability is the community and identity of when those of us who are excluded for this reason band together. Or being autistic means having a certain neurology, being Autistic means being part of a group of people who support each other and work together and have some culture stuff and are also autistic. Language. It's cool like that. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

My Problem With Homework

Trigger Warning: Uh. I was triggered when writing it and re-reading it triggers me more, but I am not sure what warning to give. School stuff, generally related to teachers mistaking the results of executive dysfunction for other problems and acting on that mistake?

I read the shoes post. If you don't know what post that is, you should probably go read it now. No, really. Go read it. Now.
The whole thing is important. But what I'm thinking about right now is mostly the executive functioning stuff. Because that's a problem I have too. 
She even told my mother that she wouldn't let me read at my level until I had nice handwriting.
That's one thing I was never told, though I did get banned from handwriting my math homework twice. I was told that I couldn't get math classes that were appropriate to my level because I needed to learn to get organized. It doesn't work like that. Keeping me out of work that I can do doesn't make aspects of my disability go away. It just doesn't. Never did, never will. I'm not going to magically gain the ability to do daily homework because I'm suddenly in an easier class, or fewer classes, or whatever else.
I had no trouble whatsoever grasping the academic content. It was not a challenge. Getting the work done was because the attitude was still "if you're so d*mn smart just do it, god, what are you stupid or something?"
I've been there. I've been there so much it's not even funny. No one said it in exactly those words, but I've been there. Usually I was lazy, which isn't true, bad at time management, which is kind of true but doesn't get at the root of the problem, or doing too much, which has sometimes been true but also wasn't the problem. The problem wasn't that I had too many other things I was trying to do. If that were the problem, I could have done my homework fine in sixth grade, when literally all I had other than school was Hebrew school for two hours three times a week. I still had problems. I got caught with homework for other classes under my desk fairly regularly in sixth grade. In seventh grade and later, I was just better at hiding it. I think eighth grade is the last time I got properly caught (I'm not counting the times that it was knitting or chainmail done openly and the teacher didn't like it, because that's not executive dysfunction. That's can't sit still well/coping mechanism for auditory processing stuff.) My record for most homework assignments completed between getting on the bus to school and the end of the day? Seven. All five "core" classes- math, science, social studies, English, Chinese, plus drama and an after school extra math class I was in because my school wouldn't put me in my level of math class until I got organized and that's a thing I'm not capable of doing myself. (No, they did not offer any help with doing so or methods I could use. Because if I'm so smart, I should be able to figure it out. Or something.) For reference, my classmate in that after school math class? She spent about six hours per week on that homework, aka basically the length of the school day, during which I went to seven classes and did six other assignments. I was fast. It wasn't always good, but it was done. Usually.
Teachers kept up with the "if you're so d*mn smart why are you so d*mn stupid?" and I stopped taking classes that were academically even a bit of a challenge-no one would help me get set up to do the work, so fine, I can pull a great GPA in classes that I can do actually in class.
My coping strategy was a bit different. My GPA was good but not great. I took classes that I could get done during school hours/on the bus to and from sports, with the exception of the occasional paper that would be done between 2am and the start of school on the due date. I'd go to sleep around 8pm as usual, then get up however early I estimated I needed to and hope for the best. My final exam story for English in 9th grade? Written between 12am and 7am on the due date. My research paper for high school? Written between 12am and 7am on the rough draft due date, not edited beyond the in-class edits we did between then and the final due date. Shorter papers were typically between 4am and 6am on the due date, and I've lost track of how many times I did that.

Now, for the problem. How do you get people to understand what the actual problem (executive dysfunction, I mean) is? I'm not sure. I've never managed it before. Never. [Edit: I have now managed it. In Chinese. Go figure.] In middle school, they didn't understand and so they wouldn't let me get into the classes I belonged in (for math, that would be ~2 grade levels ahead, everything else was to be in Honors/AP which didn't exist in middle school so that part's OK.) Well, except 8th grade when they had a pre/post test and I got higher on the pre-test end than most kids got on the post-test end, so the teacher ran around talking to people and got me an independent study. Which, um, hello? If I can't get my homework done, what makes you think an independent study is a good idea? It was better than properly being in the math class, since I was actually allowed to work on my other stuff during class time and could sometimes even do it, but it still wasn't what I needed. I need outside support of "you are working on this thing during this time" and I need stuff to be weekly at least. Not daily. Daily is a set up for failure.
In high school, they didn't understand the real issue, but there was a procedure for testing out of math classes and the independent study for 8th grade made it clear to everyone that I should be looking at that procedure. Also, Honors Pre-calculus didn't check the homework. AP Calculus BC only checked it three times all year, always with warning. I finished two of those three, and none of the others. I think I finished my Pre-calculus homework once? Maybe?
In college, you generally just need to pass the class, and no one gives daily homework, which is basically the bane of my existence. Unless I can get it done in the approximately hour before it's due? Not getting finished. Which is a problem. Bigger projects, longer term projects, I can usually get started sooner by enough to finish them. The week mark is about when I start being able to start stuff with enough extra time to actually finish it, even if it takes longer than an hour to do. I'm still working straight through that final hour, though. I really wish there was an accommodation for executive dysfunction, because goodness, do I ever need it.

Of course, in middle school, in high school? I generally didn't have the words I needed. Executive dysfunction? Sure, I know what that is now. I didn't then. And even if I did have the words? Well, for any teachers in the audience: would you have believed the twelve year old who was telling you that being in easier/fewer classes wasn't going to cure their executive functioning issues? Honestly? Would you? Or would you think they had no clue what they were talking about/they were making excuses/whatever other reason that kids, even ones who actually do know what's up, don't need to be listened to when they're difficult or complicated?

That's what I thought.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Math in Chinese

I'm taking Graph Theory this semester. That's a math class. Back at URI, it's a graduate level math class. Here's the thing: I'm taking it in Tianjin. My textbook? Written in Chinese. The teacher? Speaks Chinese. The blackboard? Covered in Chinese notes. My homework? Needs to be done in Chinese. Final exam, when it comes around? Also to be written in Chinese. This first week's homework I've been able to do fine. I think it will be turned in by the time you read this. But yeah. Having to do technological or mathematical stuff in a second language? It's really hard. I assume it's just as hard with social sciences, though as a STEM person I don't have the experience to tell you so. [I've never completed a formal course in disability studies, and the only gender studies class I completed was 100-level. I take graduate math classes. As far as anything official goes, I'm pretty straightforwardly STEM, except for the foreign language. Which is there so that I can learn to do STEMmy stuff in that language, really. Long story short, reading the stuff I write on this blog probably gives people the impression that I'm a lot more in social sciences than anything formal can back them up on. Conference presentations are starting to provide that backup, now, which is kind of funny considering the lack of classes.]
I guess one of the points is: please don't be the one who laughs at the language issues engineers or scientists from other countries have. What they're doing, even with the mistakes, is actually really impressive. It's hard to do. And a lot of the ones who are already in the workforce? They may have had more years experience doing this than I have, sure, but remember how language learning is affected by the age you start learning? Yeah. I started studying Chinese when I was eleven. A lot of these people didn't start until high school or college. So that's even more impressive than when someone who's been studying since childhood manages to learn to discuss technical stuff in their second (or third, or fourth, or more) language.

You can also take this to mean that I did my homework for graph theory, and language was a bigger issue than math. The math was basically OK. I spent a lot of time with the dictionary. I spent less and less time with the dictionary as I got further with the homework, which makes sense- I'd already looked up most of the words I was going to need, and I do write them down. It never became zero, though. I'm not sure it's going to.

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Non-Disabled Friend

Warning: Discussions of ABA, "recovery" criteria

Neurodivergent K got me thinking about this with her post about indistinguishability from one's peers. (Other conversations with her may also be relevant. Probably are.)
And. Well. At least one non-disabled friend.
That's one of the things listed for indistinguishability from one's peers. Placement in general education (yup, I had that always) and at least one non-disabled friend (pretty sure I always had at least one.)
Yeah, I've met those two criteria since basically forever. I was in typical preschool starting when I was 3, typical classes all through, sometimes honors and AP classes. I'm the only person from my year and school who managed to pass the AP exams for Chemistry, Biology, and both parts of Physics C. [Physics C ran my junior year, but not my senior year. And I was the only junior in it. So I can also say only while just talking about Physics C. Haha.] That's actually a lot more than just being in general education.
I got bullied a ton, too, but I always had at least one friend. Sometimes only one, but there was one.
So according to this idea, I'd be indistinguishable from my peers, right?
Hahahahahaha noooooooo.
I stuck out like a sore thumb. Still do. The 4th grader in the math club? Me. The kid who wears the same dress to every math competition from 7th grade through college? Also me. That one girl who joins the (boys) Frisbee team? Yup, you guessed it. Me. I even joined tenor bass choir. This is not a joke. One of the classes I was in that I was ignoring prerequisites for was tenor bass choir. That's the boys one, by the way. Which is kind of the prerequisite I was ignoring. [I broke at least one class prerequisite every year in high school. Usually because of having skipped math or science classes.] I wore homemade skirts and dresses to school most days. In fact, I can tell you exactly how many days in my junior year of high school I did not wear a homemade skirt, shirt, or dress: 16. That's math meet days plus one. I was absent more days of high school than I wore pants or shorts to school. I made chainmail in class for two years. When I told my high school friends I'd been diagnosed autistic? They were surprised... that I hadn't been diagnosed before. Like I said, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was pretty blatantly and obviously distinguishable.
But I had nondisabled friends! By high school, they was even plural!
Ok... so maybe they weren't so "typical." One had Marfan's. One had an ADHD diagnosis from when he was younger (he thinks that's inaccurate) and his mother was convinced he had Asperger's (which he also thinks is inaccurate.) I don't think either of those things is the answer, but I also don't think he's neurotypical. Another had NvLD. One was never diagnosed with anything, but I would put money on not neurotypical. I think the last of my close friends from the lunch table is nondisabled. I think. But they were all in general education, and that's the same thing, right? Or the one person who might actually be nondisabled counts for all of us.
Yeah, I think the whole thing is a pile of nonsense, and also that I was pretty easily distinguishable. It's not like the entire high school knew who I was or anything /sarcasm.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Sprouting Lightning

I write fanfiction sometimes. Like now. Universe, characters come from Tamora Pierce, and I put this on Archive of Our Own first.

“Tris?” Sandry said. “Your hair?”
Tris raised her hand to her bandanna, which had once again fallen off, leaving her frizzy red hair uncovered. She grabbed a lock of hair and pulled it around to look. It was sprouting lightning. She groaned.
“I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't even want it. Why is my hair sprouting lightning when I'm not even upset?!
“You don't sound 'not even upset,' Coppercurls,” their foster-brother drawled, “though all I see is a real bad case of Runog's Fire.”
“Thanks ever so,” Tris snapped.
“She wasn't, though,” Daja said. “Until Sandry pointed out that she was sprouting lightning.”
“Is it getting worse? I mean- more?” Tris said. She did not need this. No no no no no.
“It doesn't look like it,” Sandry said.
“Well, that's something.” Tris said. She started pulling the seed lightning from her hair. More came to replace it. “AUGH!”
Lark entered, rubbing her eyes drowsily. “What's wrong?”
Lightning is wrong. I knew I could make it when I was angry, like with the pirates, but...”
“You didn't expect it to happen every time you were upset?”
Tris sniffed. “I wasn't!”
“But you are now, dear. Sit tight, I'll put the kettle on. Do any of you know where Niko is?”
The four children shook their heads. “Away,” Tris said. “This morning there was a note saying I should meditate as usual for the start of our lesson time, and then I was free. He knows that means I'll read.”
“He didn't say where he was going?”
Tris shook her head.
“Do you know when he'll be back?”
Tris nodded. “Late tonight, I think. Could... could you maybe leave a message with the people in charge of his rooms that he should come here as soon as he can? I don't want to go myself when I don't know what my hair is even doing.”
“Or course I can, dear. It will be all right.”
“And if it's not, well, you just chuck lightning at people until they pretend it is, right?” Briar said.
Tris glared daggers at her brother. “Oh? Remember the time you were sprouting lightning?”
“But I can't throw it a'purpose!” he insisted. “Plus, yours doesn't seem to be going nowhere. It's just sitting there, in your hair.”
“At least for now.”
Sandry looked thoughtful. “If you wove some of your lightning together as a sort of cloth, would the rest of the lightning stay behind it?”
Tris stared at Sandry, then looked down at the lightning in her hand. It was still dancing around her fingers. Staying in one place wasn't something lightning seemed to do: it was the movement of energy that made it, after all. “How?”
“Well, Daja's fire-weavings-”
“Not that kind of how, how do I make lightning act like thread?”
“Maybe if I work through you?”
Lark interrupted them. “If you're going to start playing with magic you've never tried before- that, no one has ever tried before, you need a protective circle first.”
“So that if we blow ourselves up, we only blow ourselves up?” Tris asked.
“Exactly.” That was Rosethorn. “No taking others with you while you attempt the impossible.”
Sandry looked at Rosethorn. “Why would it be impossible?”
Rosethorn looked at Lark, then at Sandry. “Lightning burns thread. Thread mages shouldn't be able to weave with it.”
“What about fire?” Briar insisted. “She wove that.”
“Which should also be impossible,” Rosethorn informed them. “If you four didn't have a history of impossible, your answer would be 'Don't even think about it.'”
Tris rubbed her forehead. “And the problem I'm having right now?”
“Also impossible. Or it should be.”
“Great.” Tris said. “We're going to make a protective circle so we can try something impossible to fix a problem that's impossible to have, and the only reason you're letting us do it is because of other impossible things. Sound about right?”

Saturday, September 14, 2013

By Smoke or By Fire

I sometimes write fanfiction. Since I'm doing a fanfiction related challenge, I'm writing even more of it. Characters and universe belong to Tamora Pierce. I put this on Archive of our Own first. 

Trigger Warning: Death

“Halt!” Beka shouted. The man she chased carried a lit torch and lamp oil, both stolen- the oil from one of the nearby shops, the torch from the door on the way out. Oil and torch made for a deadly combination, and the man showed no sign of slowing or stopping. Her partner, Rusnill, was no distance runner, and he began to fall behind. She dared not slow to let him catch up, not when her quarry carried such dangerous goods.
Whistle in mouth, calling for her fellow guards with every exhale, she followed the man into the Cesspool. Though her legs were not tiring, the man was ever so slightly faster. That may have saved her life - just as she was reaching the warehouse she saw the man duck into, flames billowed out. She stopped and stared. In the Cesspool, there would be few sources of water, not enough to put the fire out. “Does anyone have rags?”
No one answered. She asked again. “Anyone? A wet rag over nose and mouth can be the difference between life and death for a mot or cove in a fire!”
A small girl, looking to be not more than five, tugged at her sleeve with one arm, trying to pull her apron off with the other. “Mama says you can have my apron if you get me a new one after.” Beka looked up at the woman she guessed to be the mother, who nodded, and helped the girl take the apron off. “My papa's in there,” the girl said.
Beka cut the apron into smaller pieces as she jumped into the gutter. Above the mud, piss, and scummer was a thin stream of water that she used to soak the apron pieces, then put one over her face and jumped into a basement window not yet full of flames.
Immediately she regretted it. While the basement of the abandoned warehouse was not yet on fire, pieces of the floor were starting to fall. In a corner, she saw someone. Curled up, he looked to be breathing through his shirt. Smart man. As quick as could be, she made her way to him. She tapped his shoulder, handing him one of the apron pieces with the tapping hand while holding her own piece over her face with the other. He accepted it, standing when she tugged his arm.
“The stairs are no good,” he told her.
“We're going out the same window I came in.”
He stared at her, but he followed. As they reached the window she had climbed in, she heard groaning- not a human groan. The ceiling was groaning. Beka cursed. “Pull yourself up,” she told the man. “I'll give you a boost.” He nodded and grabbed the bottom of the window, pulling himself as Beka pushed. He fit- barely, and once he was out he extended his arm back to help pull Beka up. He coughed, and kept coughing.
“Papa!” Beka heard a girl shriek. It was the girl who had given her the apron. The girl ran to meet her father, her mother close behind. The man she rescued smiled weakly at his partner and child, and kept coughing.

Beka woke with a start, Pounce digging his claws into her shoulder. As much as it hurt, she was grateful not to watch the man cough himself to death in front of wife and children again. He hadn't even been able to keep his feet- towards the end, he had fallen into the gutter, dying in the mud.


Friday, September 13, 2013

Humorous Dialogue

This is an old dialogue a friend and I did in class. I think it was 10th grade that we did it. The translations into English are as I go through it now, though. A is me, D is him, (random person on the street) was another classmate we grabbed for that purpose. 
Oh, and please suspend disbelief. The events of the dialogue are meant to be bizarre, not realistic.

A: 你好。 (Hi.)

D: 你好。 (Hi.)

A: 你好吗? (How are you?)

D: 好,你呢? (Good, you?)

A: 好 ,可是我有问题 。我赢了两张歌剧票。 (Good. But I have a problem. I won two opera tickets.)

D: 那太好了!你跟谁去? (That's great! Who are you going with?)

A: 我不知道 。 (I don't know.)

D: 你有什么问题? (What's the problem?)

A: . . . 你有没有护照? (. . . Do you have a passport?)

D: 有。 为什么? (Yeah. Why?)

A: 下个周末你想去北京看《猴王》吗? (Do you want to go to Beijing to see "The Monkey King" next weekend?"

D: 歌剧在北京!那是你的问题吗? (The opera is in Beijing! Is that your problem?)

A: 对。我有护照, 可是我没有签证。(Yup. I've got a passport, but not a visa.)

D: 你有问题。(You've got a problem.)


下个周末,在北京 (The next weekend, in Beijing.)


D: 我们在哪儿? (Where are we?)

A: 我不知道。我是美国人! (I don't know. I'm an American!)

D: 安静。我也是美国人。 (Shut up, I'm American too.)
怎么去北京歌剧?(How do we get to the opera?)

A: 我不知道! (I don't know!)

D: 我没问你! 我问了他。请问,怎么去北京歌剧?  (I wasn't asking you! I was asking him. Excuse me, how do we get to the Beijing opera?)

random person on street: 就到了, 你看! (You're at it- look!)

D: 哎!谢谢!(Oh! Thanks!)

same random person:  别客气!(Don't mention it!)


看歌剧以后 (After the opera)

D: 《猴王》很好!("The Monkey King" was really good!)

A: 我同意。我们回家把。 (I agree. Let's go home.)

D: 怎么去机场?(Where's the airport)

A: 我不知道! (I don't know!)

D: 你为什么不带地图? (Why didn't you bring a map?)

A: 我不会看地图因为地图是中国的地图! (I can't read it map because they're Chinese maps!)

D: 带美国地图把! (Get an American one!) [I meant to write English, as in language, but, well, language students mess stuff up sometimes.]

A: 我们不在美国, 在中国。(We're not in America, we're in China.)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Lets have some more Chinese stuff! 4 short paragraphs I wrote for class.

现在,电子书日益多,日益便宜。因此,看书的方式、书店都电子化。在苹果iPad上,人可以看苹果卖的,Amazon卖的,及自己找的电子书,也可以写论文,看电视,听音乐等:在iPad一应俱全。随之在iPad可以做的有所多,要买iPad的人更多,至于苹果产品从前都好卖。因为上面谈的,所以最好对iPad进行设资。

随着我们地球日益国际化,教育最好变成更国际化。暂且不论家长能不能接受送孩子去香港当研究生的学费,让学生去大陆外学习有用。虽然留学不是一应俱全,但是留学还有用:让学生一边学专业,一边了解新的文化。若是从前,在国内工作的人不一定跟外国人联系,而现在人随时有机会跟外国人联系。因此,留学很有用。香港跟中国大陆的差点可能没有那么多,但是在香港读研究生会比在大陆读研究生好了一点儿。

随着机器和电脑的发展,机器人做的工作日益多。相比人而言,机器人能做的会更多。机器人会跟人差不多:一样工作,一样做朋友,但是学习是不太好的例子。因为电脑,机器人可以被程序,所以机器人学习做法会跟人学习做法完全不一样。随着机器人的发达,社会才能知道机器人根本是什么样的。


虽然微波有很多虚假信息,但是因为虚假信息所以要取消微波没有道理。虚假信息是网络的问题,不是微波的问题!另外,找真实信息不是用微波唯一的使用。用微波跟朋友联系或者参与讨论的人不少。为什么要因为所有的网站都有的问题把可以参与讨论,跟朋友联系的网站取消呢?

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Energy isn't infinite

Trigger Warning: References to abuse, murder of autistic people

I've been trying to keep the flash blog page updated. Trying.
I've also been making sure to keep up with my Chinese language classes. That's not exactly optional, though the people running my program and I have slightly different priorities. They think of the dedicated language classes as the big important thing and the direct enrollment classes in our majors as a bit of a side bonus. I think of the direct enrollment classes as the reason that I chose this program and the dedicated language classes as something that is a bit of a side thing. So that's always fun.
Class discussions are pretty good, I had the opportunity to explain in Chinese that I think interest is a better motivator in kids education than fear and explain why. [Fear is kind of paralytic unless it triggers your flight or fight, and none of "shut down," "fight," or "flight" are exactly conducive to learning. Interest=WOOT LEARN EVERYTHING.]
But the flash blog. And the feminist wire. Activism is exhausting. Folks want to know where I was when [insert murder-mommy here] was raising funds for their kid's abusive treatments? (The super-expensive ones are pretty much all abusive, FYI.) I was trying to keep my own life together. I was doing a decent job of it, too. Actually reaching parents so they can realize that their kid being the way their kid is is OK? That there is always an Antecedent to the Behavior, and that figuring out what it is is generally going to help more than just trying to control the behavior? Because we don't actually act out in isolation, strange as that sounds? Not as well as I'd like to, clearly, since folks still think that getting in a kids face all the time is the way to teach them not to get in people's faces. #irony. Folks also seem to still think that raising money to pay for abusive treatments is helping? Yeah no it's not. I'm not going to help pay for the Antecedent to the Behavior. Or for giving a kid PTSD. So they can back off.
Feminist Wire is engaging now. Which is great. But yes, it takes energy too. Being a guest editor of a forum? Takes energy. Helping make the call be accessible (or doing a versioning thing, either way)? Takes energy. Energy I'm more than happy to put in, yes, energy I'd even offered to put in. That doesn't make it stop being energy. I have a limited amount of that. Thankfully writing things and reading things are pretty small energy drains for me (as long as the thing I'm reading is accessible, I mean.) And I'm not 100% sure I trust it, since when am I ever 100% sure that people who started out not-good are actually going to do something right? Not until after they've already done it right and it's too late to mess it up. If even then. But I'll work with folks who are making attempts.
Oh, and China. I do need to remember that I'm in China for a reason. And that's Chinese. Which I'm doing. And I think I'm doing well with, too. First lesson pretest went well, anyways. Of course, they add all kinds of extra stuff that isn't what I need while not giving me the stuff they said they would. Like a roommate with a major similar to mine? Yeah I got one who majors in teaching Chinese to foreigners. Which is nothing like a math major. At all. Nope. And the answer I get when I bring this up to my academic director? Find friends in your math class. Right, because making friends is something I know how to do! OH WAIT, NO IT'S NOT! Yeah. Um. Probably not going to have anyone I can go to for math class trouble, because what is this theoretically knowing how to make friends? It's not a thing I know how to do. Unless someone reaches out to me, it pretty much doesn't happen. Or if they're autistic. Maybe there will be someone autistic in my class. They won't know that they are, but they might be there? Please?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

美国中国的博客

I was supposed to find 5 American blogs and 5 Chinese blogs and talk about them. Yes, I talked about my own, yes, my teacher said that was OK before I did it. The Chinese ones were found pretty hurriedly, and I make no promises that my statements on what they seem to talk about is accurate.

在美国,5个(比较)有名的博客是 “Yes, That Too,” “Autistic Hoya,” “Mark Reads,” “The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism,” 及 “This is White Privilege.” “Yes, That Too”是我自己写的,热点是自闭症者和残疾人面对的问题。别人感兴趣的原因大概是“自闭症者谈自闭症!”“Autistic Hoya”谈的内容跟我的差不多,别人看她博客的原因也差不多。“The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism”也是谈自闭症的,比我的博客和“Autistic Hoya”有名的多。[自闭症者的父母写的博客比自闭症者写的博客有名。]“Mark Reads”是 “Mark”看书,写下来他的感觉。如果他看的书比较有名,很多人会看他的博客。“This is White Privilege”谈的是社会问题,特别是白人不面而别人面对的事。几个大学教授让学生看这个博客或者上课的时候用这个博客提出的例子。
在中国,课文说的王建硕在写他的博客还很有名。看起来,他的热点是旅行和他住的地方。 “Life Behind The Wall”也是比较有名的。这个博客是黑美国女生跟她中国丈夫写的博客。她写的是在中国生活的事,但她也写一点的中国新闻。百度了,我找到“安顿的BLOG”写他自己的感觉。“快乐大哥的博客”常谈教育或专业问题,也谈自己的生活。“星子山地博客”常谈学习/教育的事:他学的是历史,所以常有历史的问题。
看起来中国的博客大多是个人写自己的生活事情。有别的,例如教育问题,新闻等,而这样的博客没有那么多。而且,那样大多是谈自己生活的博客加了一片谈社会问题的文章。

Monday, September 9, 2013

Sir Alanna and Lady Knight Keladry


“Sir and Lady Knight are titles granted to individuals by the crown and aren’t passed on. Alanna prefers “Sir” because she was making a point. Kel prefers “Lady Knight” because she’s making a different point. Jon just throws up his hands and tells the Master of Ceremonies to ask the ladies for their preference.”

Can I talk about how much I love this? 
Can I talk about a parallel I think it has with the Autistic community and how we seem to have handled language and a lot of other things?

Alanna makes a point with being "Sir Alanna." I think her point is "I can be just like you." And she can. She is King's Champion. She's also probably 5'2", maybe 5'3". There's no way that she's the 5'4" a lot of the fandom seems to think she is, because it was a while after Daine found Alanna at least 2 inches shorter than her that Daine was even described as 5'5". So I'm not entirely sure how she had people convinced she was a boy up through when she was 18, but that was a thing that happened. She's not trans, by the way. She just knew that they wouldn't let a girl do what she wanted to do, so she spent 8 years pretending to be a boy.
Kel (full name Keladry) makes a different point with being "Lady Knight Keladry." I think she says "I don't have to be just like you," as part of it, at least. The other part is "I'm going to choose not to even try to be just like you, and I'm going to remind you of it all the time." She was the first girl to get to train for knighthood openly in at least a hundred years, and she spends a good bit of her time reminding everyone she's a girl. She's not required to change for dinner any more than the boys are, so she could stay in her page's uniform, but she's also not required to be in uniform for dinner. So she wears a dress to dinner. Every night. Just to remind them that yes, you have a girl among you deal with it.
She uses a distaff border on her shield. Alanna doesn't.
Alanna had to hide, and she wants to make the point that she can be just like the men, do everything they can, now that she's unhidden. Keladry never hid, and she wants to make the point that she doesn't need to be the same.
Now look at autism.
"Person with autism." I am a person, just like you. I just... also have autism. I am a knight, just like you. I just... happen to be a girl. Sir Alanna.
Autistic person. I am Autistic. This is important, and it is part of me not an appendage, and I am not hiding it and you do not get to ignore it not even in what you call me. I am a woman, and this is important, and it is part of me not an appendage, and I am not hiding it, and you do not get to ignore it not even in what you call me. Lady Knight Keladry.
I'm Autistic and applying for a job. Sir Alanna discloses after, if ever. Lady Knight Keladry? She probably shows up at the interview with a stim toy and doesn't look at the interviewer. She'll remind you exactly how she's different.
Sir Alanna was normalized, or at least people tried. Sir Alanna probably thinks that was the thing to do, because I can be just like you. Sir Alanna might (or might not) advocate the same for the next generation- she might rejoice in how the younger generation doesn't necessarily need to do it the way she did, as the actual Sir Alanna does in the books. Lady Knight Keladry was not normalized. She learned functional skills, like how to be a knight or how to cook or read or write, but she was still openly a woman. The court manners she learned were those of a lady, approximately. She'd have learned how to match up Autistic and neurotypical social stuff as a meet people where they are, not as a pretend to be neurotypical. (Not as a pretend to be a man- Alanna learned men's court manners.)
Interestingly enough, Sir Alanna didn't have to hide her autistic traits the same way she had to hide her gender. She didn't believe her friends when they said they liked her because she was different, but she also didn't hide those traits the same way she hid her gender. She was practically famous for hating social events, and everyone knew she didn't talk much. (Unless she was angry. Anger seemed to involve either losing all words or using all the words to explain exactly why everything is horrible.)
There are times and places for both Sir Alanna and Lady Knight Keladry, of course. The first person in the door anywhere probably has to be a Sir Alanna, just for practicality's sake. Those who follow have the option of being a Lady Knight Keladry.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Sources. So Many Sources

I finished writing my paper: "The Erasure of Queer Autistic People."
These are a list of all the sources I either cited in the final paper or made notecards for while doing research. [Some things I did both, and some things I only did one or the other. Yes, I cited a couple things I didn't make notecards for.]
Have fun. [No, the swears are not censored in the actual blog titles. Or in the actual paper!]
The source list should be fine, but assume trigger warning for any sources you track down.


Ali. "Addendum to Latest SBC Rant." Web log post. The Polite Yeti. 2 May 2011. Web. 3 Apr. 2013.
Ali. "So Glad You're Writing These." Web log comment. B*tch Media. 6 Jan. 2012. Web. 20 Aug. 2013. 
Ali/Eliot. "The Very next Day Was My Birthday." Web log post. The Alternate Lexicon. 1 Apr. 2011. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Amialone. Web log post. This Is Not a F*cking Thinspo Site. July 2013. Web. 24 Aug. 2013. <http://amialone.tumblr.com/post/56116672621/throwing-in-one-or-two-female-pronouns-when>.
"Any Other AS Transwomen Scared That You’ll Be Socially Forever Male?" Web log post. Queering Autism. Apr. 2012. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Anzaldúa, Gloria. "La Prieta." This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color. By Cherríe Moraga and Gloria Anzaldúa. New York: Kitchen Table, Women of Color, 1983. Print.
"Autism and Transsexualism." Transsexual Roadmap. 6 Mar. 2012. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Autism Survival Manual - Autism and Sexuality. By Craig (weaveintothewin2). The Autism Survival Manual. Youtube, 12 Aug. 2010. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Baggs, Amanda. "Please Violate Only One Stereotype at a Time." Web log post. Ballastexistenz. 16 Dec. 2007. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Baggs, Amanda. "This Is Not the Post I Started out Writing." Web log post. Ballastexistenz. 19 Nov. 2009. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Bascom, Julia. "Whose Stories Get Told: Regarding Feeling Unsafe In The Glee Fandom." Web log post. Just Stimming. 14 Oct. 2011. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Becker, Corina. "The Beginnings of Autistic Speaking Day." 2011. Loud Hands: Autistic People Speaking. Ed. Julia Bascom. 1st Ed. Washington, DC: The Autistic Press, 2012. 70-74. Print.
Bedard, Cheryl, Hui Lan Zhang, and Kenneth J. Zucker. "Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation in People with Developmental Disabilities." Sexuality and Disability 28.3 (2010): 165-75. Springer Link. Springer, 20 Mar. 2010. Web. 29 Mar. 2013.
Bev. "The Ever-expanding List of Neurotypical Privilege." Weblog post. Square 8. 29 July 2009. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Brown, Lydia M. "How They Hate Us." Web log post. Autistic Hoya. 19 Aug. 2013. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Bryce, Landon. "John Elder Robison on Autism and Sexual Orientation." Web log post. ThAutcast. 20 May 2012. Web. 3 Apr. 2013.
"Call for Submissions: TFW Forum on Disabilities, Ableism, and Disability Studies." The Feminist Wire. 26 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Cat. "Meet Your Moderator: Cat." Web log post. Nonbinary Autistics. 10 Jan. 2011. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
"Database of Sexuality and Disability Resources." Ed. Grace Kelly, Lorraine Hone, Zoe Hughes, and Adrianne Pullen. Connect People Network, 2012. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Ditz, Liz. "Vigil for George Hodgins and Other Disabled People Murdered by Their Families." Web log post. I Speak of Dreams. TypePad, 16 Mar. 2012. Web. 3 Apr. 2013.
Doetsch-Kidder, Sharon. Social Change and Intersectional Activism: The Spirit of Social Movement. New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2012. Print.
DYMPHNA. "A Perspective on Queerness, Transgenderness, and Ableism from a Queer, Nonbinary Autistic with Severe Clinical Depression [1]." Web log post. NeuroQueer. 24 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
E. "Dear Younger Self." Loud Hands: Autistic People Speaking. Ed. Julia Bascom. 1st Ed. Washington, DC: The Autistic Press, 2012. 87-90. Print.
E (The Third Glance). "On (A)sexuality." Web log post. The Third Glance. 3 Jan. 2012. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Edelson, Meredyth G. "Sexual Abuse of Children with Autism: Factors That Increase Risk and Interfere with Recognition of Abuse." Disability Studies Quarterly 30.1 (2010). 2010. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Elmindreda. "The Difference Slot." リザード. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Erwin, Marja. "So I’ve Been Wondering…." Web log post. Ananiujiþa. 26 June 2013. Web. 30 Aug. 2013. <http://ananiujitha.tumblr.com/post/53960445503/yesthattoo-ananiujitha-so-ive-been>.
Fine, Cordelia. Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference. New York: W. W. Norton, 2010. Print.
Gabriels, Robin L., and Dina E. Hill. Growing up with Autism: Working with School-age Children and Adolescents. New York: Guilford, 2007. Print.
"Gender and Sexuality." AWN Radio. BlogTalkRadio. 6 Dec. 2010. Autism Women's Network. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Girljanitor. "A Conversation the Autistic Community Needs to Have, Desperately." Web log post. Patient Presents as Academic and Upset. 25 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Grace, Elizabeth J. "Autistic Community and Culture: Silent Hands No More." Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking. Ed. Julia Bascom. Washington, DC: Autistic, 2012. 95-99. Print.
Guin, Kristin. "My Perspective: Autism, Sexual Orientation (or Gender Identity) and the Intersection of the Two." Web log post. Queerability. Tumblr, 3 Apr. 2013. Web. 3 Apr. 2013.
Halberstam, Judith. In a Queer Time and Place: Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives. New York: New York UP, 2005. Print.
Henny. "Asexual on the Spectrum." Web log post. Procrastination Embodied. 22 Jan. 2011. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Hillary, Alyssa. "Queer Autistic Voice." Web log post. Yes, That Too. 26 Aug. 2013. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Ingudomnukul, E., S. Baroncohen, S. Wheelwright, and R. Knickmeyer. "Elevated Rates of Testosterone-related Disorders in Women with Autism Spectrum Conditions." Hormones and Behavior 51.5 (2007): 597-604. Print.
Jack, Jordynn. "Gender Copia: Feminist Rhetorical Perspectives on an Autistic Concept of Sex/Gender." Women's Studies in Communication 35.1 (2012): 1-37. Taylor & Francis Online. Taylor & Francis Group, 16 May 2012. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Java Junkie. "Re: Double Rainbow: Parent Guides, Part 1." Web log comment. B*tch Media. 17 Feb. 2012. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
JJ. "Re: "On Ableism within Queer Spaces, Or, Queering the "Normal"" PrettyQueer." Web Log Comment. PrettyQueer. 11 Dec. 2012. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Kaz. "Disability and Asexuality." Web log post. Http://disabledfeminists.com/. FWD/Forward, 6 Nov. 2009. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Knoepfler, Peter T. "Sexuality and Psychiatric Disability." Sexuality and Disability 5.1 (1982): 14-27. Springer Link. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Koller, Rebecca. "Sexuality and Adolescents with Autism." Sexuality and Disability 18.2 (200): 125-35. Springer Link. Springer. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Kris. "Re: "On Ableism within Queer Spaces, Or, Queering the "Normal"" PrettyQueer." Web Log Comment. PrettyQueer. 28 Dec. 2012. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Lawson, Wendy. Sex, Sexuality and the Autism Spectrum. London: Jessica Kingsley, 2005. Print.
Löfgren-Mårtenson, Lotta. "The Invisibility of Young Homosexual Women and Men with Intellectual Disabilities." Sexuality and Disability 27.1 (2009): 21-26. Springer Link. Springer, 9 Oct. 2008. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Lindsay. "Doubly Deviant: On Being Queer and Autistic." Web log post. Autist's Corner. 10 Nov. 2010. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
McRuer, Robert. Crip Theory: Cultural Signs of Queerness and Disability. New York: New York UP, 2006. Print.
Mingus, Mia. "Moving Toward the Ugly: A Politic Beyond Desirability." Speech. Femmes Of Color Symposium. Oakland, CA. 21 Aug. 2011. Leaving Evidence. 22 Aug. 2011. Web. 7 May 2013.
"Monochrome Logic, Greyscale Sexuality, and Finding My Identity." Web log post. The Shiny Lair of Quirks the Magpie. 30 Jan. 2011. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Montgomery, Cal. "Critic of the Dawn." 2001. Loud Hands: Autistic People Speaking. Ed. Julia Bascom. 1st Ed. Washington, DC: The Autistic Press, 2012. 49-59. Print.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: A Peek at Autism Speaks." B*tch Media. 17 Jan. 2012. Web. 25 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Asperger's and Girls." B*tch Media. 7 Feb. 2012. Web. 25 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Autism and Masculinity." B*tch Media. 16 Feb. 2012. Web. 25 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Erasure and Asexuality." B*tch Media. 6 Jan. 2012. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Navigating Autism, Gender, and Sexuality." B*tch Media. 3 Jan. 2012. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: On Lisbeth Salander." B*tch Media. 5 Jan. 2012. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Parent Guides, Part 1." B*tch Media. 17 Feb. 2012. Web. 25 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Parent Guides, Part 2." B*tch Media. 21 Feb. 2012. Web. 26 Aug. 2013.
Narby, Caroline. "Double Rainbow: Tony Attwood Tells Us to "make Lemonade."" B*tch Media. 3 Feb. 2012. Web. 25 Aug. 2013.
Natalie. Web log post. F*ck Yeah, GSM Autistics! 2012. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Ndopu, Edward, and Darnell L. Moore. "On Ableism within Queer Spaces, Or, Queering the "Normal"" PrettyQueer. 7 Dec. 2012. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
Nebeker, Lindsey. "9 Things You Must Include in Sexuality Education for Individuals with ASD." Naked Brain Ink. 24 Apr. 2013. Web. 07 May 2013.
Omagdi. "Being A Transman With Autism." Experience Project. 19 Feb. 2011. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Orwell, George. 1984: A Novel. New York, NY: Signet Classic, 1977. Print.
Queering Autism. Web. 1 Apr. 2013.
Richter, Zach. "Campbell and the Markedness of Autism: Interrogating the Reproduction of the Neurotypical Subject." Proc. of INSPIRe Virtual Symposium. 22 Sept. 2012. Web. 31 Mar. 2013.
Richter, Zachary. "Intersectionality and Cynicism: Why We Will Never Arrive "home" and Why It Is Important to Have This Realization." Web log post. That Autistic That Newtown Forgot. 8 Aug. 2013. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Richter, Zachary. "On the Erasure of Queer Autistics: What It Feels like to Be Erased and Haunted." Web log post. That Autistic That Newtown Forgot. 1 Mar. 2013. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Sinclair, Jim. "Don't Mourn For Us." 1993. Loud Hands: Autistic People Speaking. Ed. Julia Bascom. 1st Ed. Washington, DC: The Autistic Press, 2012. 13-16. Print.
Sinclair, Jim. "Personal Definitions of Sexuality." Jim Sinclair's Web Site. Syracuse. Web. 1 Sept. 2013.
Soraya, Lynne. "Dating and Romantic Relationships." Living Independently on the Autism Spectrum. Avon, MA, USA: Adams Media, 2013. 245-60. Print.
Soraya, Lynne. Living Independently on the Autism Spectrum. Avon, MA, USA: Adams Media, 2013. Print.
Stevenson, Michael R., and Jeanine C. Cogan. Everyday Activism: A Handbook for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual People and Their Allies. New York: Routledge, 2003. Print.
Tager-Flusberg, Helen, and Simon Baron-Cohen. "The Extreme-male-brain Theory of Autism." Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Cambridge, MA: MIT, 1999. Print.
Tal9000. "Any Other AS Transwomen Scared That You’ll Be Socially Forever Male?" Web log post. TAL9000. 4 Apr. 2012. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Thompson, S. Anthony, Mary Bryson, and Suzanne De Castell. "Prospects for Identity Formation for Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual Persons with Developmental Disabilities." International Journal of Disability, Development and Education 48.1 (2001): 53-65. Ilga-europe.org. Web. 30 Mar. 2013.
"Twenty Hallmarks of Fake Trans Personae." Transsexual Roadmap. 6 Mar. 2012. Web. 21 Aug. 2013.
University of Cambridge. Office of Communications. Female-to-male Transsexual People Have More Autistic TraitsEurekAlert! AAAS, 5 Mar. 2011. Web. 22 Aug. 2013.
Vivian, Amanda F. Web log post. I'M SOMEWHERE ELSE. 13 Apr. 2011. Web. 29 Aug. 2013. <http://adeepercountry.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-was-thinking-about-identifying-as-gay.html>.
Vivian, Amanda Forest. "The Ultimate (ridiculous) Showdown." Weblog post. I'M SOMEWHERE ELSE. 23 Mar. 2011. Web. 20 Aug. 2013.
Vries, Annelou L. C., Ilse L. J. Noens, Peggy T. Cohen-Kettenis, Ina A. Berckelaer-Onnes, and Theo A. Doreleijers. "Autism Spectrum Disorders in Gender Dysphoric Children and Adolescents." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 40.8 (2010): 930-36. Springer Link. Springer, 22 Jan. 2010. Web. 28 Mar. 2013.
"Welcome!" Autism Women's Network. Web. 30 Aug. 2013.
West, Sara. Web log post. French Assassins! Sarasempaii.tumblr.com, 7 May 2013. Web. 10 May 2013.
YAI Network. Relationships and Sexuality Policy. YAI/NIPD Resource Center, Dec. 2004. PDF.
Yergeau, Melanie. Facebook Message. 26 Mar. 2013.