Note For Anyone Writing About Me

Guide to Writing About Me

I am an Autistic person,not a person with autism. I am also not Aspergers. The diagnosis isn't even in the DSM anymore, and yes, I agree with the consolidation of all autistic spectrum stuff under one umbrella. I have other issues with the DSM.

I don't like Autism Speaks. I'm Disabled, not differently abled, and I am an Autistic activist. Self-advocate is true, but incomplete.

Citing My Posts

MLA: Hillary, Alyssa. "Post Title." Yes, That Too. Day Month Year of post. Web. Day Month Year of retrieval.

APA: Hillary, A. (Year Month Day of post.) Post Title. [Web log post]. Retrieved from

Friday, August 29, 2014

Carnival of Aces: The Unassailable Asexual

That's the theme. It's not what I am. One of the pretty common things folks say to try to invalidate asexual identities is "you're all just autistic." Unfortunately often, the group response is "We're not just autistic," which, um, some of us are Autistic and asexual. This is a combination that exists. (There's a difference between a person stating that they personally aren't autistic as a factual correction and someone playing into the idea that autism means "fake" asexual while defending themselves from that trope. Disability and Asexuality might have been the theme I went with when I hosted the carnival, and by might I mean totally was.)

Since I'm not entirely sure where to start on this idea, I'm borrowing a bit from "Oh the stars you can earn!" By that, I mean I'm going to go through each of the stars there, explain briefly why I do, don't, or kinda get this star, and any effect that I think that has on me. Or whatever comes to mind from reading about that star.

The GOLD star: "You do not resemble someone who is broken."

I don't think neurodivergence means broken, but enough people do that I completely and totally fail to earn this one. But I fail in a way that assumes nonsexuality (more like the way children aren't sexual) than asexuality. I guess it's sort of an assumption of not entirely understanding sexuality?
Also school abuse has happened.
So yeah, I don't have this one, not even close. But mostly it's occasionally made me feel like a bad disabled person (that whole nonsexuality thing) rather than messing with the asexual identity directly.

The SILVER star: "You have certain knowledge."

Well, certain enough for me. I don't have a sex drive, I don't have a desire for sex, and on top of that, it seems like I've got sensory issues in that area. (I think that means I get to dig up my gold star, reanimate it, and kill it again?)
That means certain enough that I'm happy to just tell people to shut up until they have a clue if they get splainey, but meh on them actually listening. This whole being 22 thing, it's a thing.

The BLUE star: "You conform to societal norms."

Eh. Not really? My gender is weird. I don't entirely get it. But it's definitely not binary. I'll get back to you when I have a clue. But I do fall in love, I think. Also, what is desire to see people face to face?

The RED star: "You are different from the norm."

In a lot of ways, yeah.

The RAINBOW star: "You conform to subcultural norms."

Yeah, probably. I fit in fairly well in a lot of autistic spaces, as long as they are ones where being asexual is an accepted thing as well.

The GIANT BALL OF GAS star: "You conform to 'the way things work.'"

I am gender-weird, but was absent from high school more days than I wore not-a-dress-or-skirt. Not because of a uniform. I just like dresses and skirts for sensory reasons. It's a very nice woosh, and they are loose and long and it's great. Jeans are sensory terrible. Therefore skirts and dresses.
Or sex just sounds terrible to me. I'm not the opposite of desire as indifference. I'm WHY NO GO AWAY.
Or I like my hair long.
Or I'm actually kinda into (funky) fashion design.
Also I was in tenor bass choir as a tenor second, only chick-like person on Ultimate Frisbee, yadayada.
Oh, also I was simultaneously the slowest person on the cross-country team and the captain. That's not 'how things work.'

The BLACK star: "You conform to asexual community narratives."

Eh. There's a "but I like pleasing my partner" narrative that, well, no. I really didn't have much of a thing for that. He wanted to be able to please me, but in this particular area the only way to do that is just never need to go there, and it was incompatible, and that was actually part of why we decided to go back to being good friends. Which we still are, by the way.
There's also one about cheerleading sex for other people. I don't want to hear about it. I don't usually like romance subplots. I don't like movie kissing. I see folks writing about how people make a fuss about open same-gender displays of affection but not different-gender displays of affection? I know that's absolutely a thing, I see the reactions all the time. Totally not going to argue with the pattern. As an asexual person who is NOPE on the sex, I actually do avoid the different-gender displays in media. Often more than the same-gender ones, actually, because the same-gender ones are at least written with fewer sappy tropes, usually.

The PURPLE star: "You represent asexual demographics or asexual diversity."

I... think that applies to everyone?
I mean, without being not-asexual. 

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