Note For Anyone Writing About Me

Guide to Writing About Me

I am an Autistic person,not a person with autism. I am also not Aspergers. The diagnosis isn't even in the DSM anymore, and yes, I agree with the consolidation of all autistic spectrum stuff under one umbrella. I have other issues with the DSM.

I don't like Autism Speaks. I'm Disabled, not differently abled, and I am an Autistic activist. Self-advocate is true, but incomplete.

Citing My Posts

MLA: Hillary, Alyssa. "Post Title." Yes, That Too. Day Month Year of post. Web. Day Month Year of retrieval.

APA: Hillary, A. (Year Month Day of post.) Post Title. [Web log post]. Retrieved from

Saturday, July 21, 2012

A list of things that ``parenting an autistic child is hard" does and DOES NOT make OK

Trigger Warning: Abuse/murder of autistic people

So: I actually do understand that parenting an autistic child is hard. There are even things that this fact justifies. Here's a list of some things it justifies:
  1. Admitting that it is, in fact hard.
  2. Seeking services that will help your child navigate a world that isn't really designed for him/her.
  3. Asking for and receiving help.
  4. Getting a break once in a while, just like the parents of a neurotypical child do.
  5. Meeting with other parents to know that you aren't alone.
  6. Going on the warpath against any therapist or school that tries a therapy that makes your child's life worse. You aren't the point of it, but it will help you since those therapies will also make your life worse.
  7. Grieving for the neurotypical child you did not get, as long as you do so AWAY from the autistic child you do have and don't let it color your interactions with the child you have. Same as if you had twins and one died in infancy: You get to grieve, but don't let it mess with your relationship with the kid you HAVE.
  8. Calling people out on things that are just going to make your child's life harder. (Helps you for the same reason as the warpath against schools does: If your kid is being hurt, your kid is going to have adverse reactions that make your life harder too. Making your life easier isn't the point of doing this, but it is a side benefit, at least long term.)
And here are some things it DOES NOT and NEVER WILL justify:
  1. Abusing your child. 
  2. Killing your child.
  3. Depriving your child of the tools needed to communicate. (Translation: If your kid uses an iPad to talk, you can't take away the iPad. Ever. If you know how to lock it to the program that they use to communicate, that could be a viable option, but you can't take the iPad.)
  4. Silencing autistic people who disagree with you. They have legitimate reasons for disagreeing, and even if they don't convince you, you don't get to try to shut them up.
  5. Speaking about your child as if he/she does not understand what's going on, calling them broken, calling autism a bad thing.
  6. Actually, most of these fall under abuse anyways. So I'm gonna just go with silencing, abusing, and killing autistic people are all no-nos.

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