So. I don't normally write this much (at least, I don't think I do,) but it's been a rough month in general and a rough week in the specific. Month: Uh, it's April. That's Autism Awareness month. Awareness is mostly fear-mongering, and it's hard not to internalize the stuff they say about autism. It's also hard not to yell at everyone who says problematic stuff about autism this month. One poster I saw on the train had a mother who said she was heartbroken when she found out her son was autistic, but that she has learned that autism doesn't affect his ability to be happy. And that's about the best I've seen. Seriously? Ability to be happy? And you're the one telling us? How about HE tells us he's happy? And why were you heartbroken? When you go to have a child, there is no rule that says your child will be ``normal for now." And autism, in and of itself, is not heartbreaking. Improper supports/therapies leading to never being able to properly communicate with your child is heartbreaking. Discrimination that leads to abuse is heartbreaking. A non-speaking autistic with whatever kind of alternative communication device works for him or her, living with the proper supports, and not being discriminated against for autism-related issues is fully capable of living a full life. This life is not a tragedy. A tragedy would be one of the many cases of a caretaker killing said autistic and calling it mercy. So that's my reaction to one of the better ones. Rough month, much?
As for the rough week, it's mostly the ``Social Security lost my passport and I leave for India in less than a month" problem. When I'm expecting there not to be a routine, I'm usually OK with the lack of routine. But when I have a routine, and then my routine changes, and while I'm still getting used to the new routine, all kinds of chaos breaks out causing the entire routine to be thrown out the window, it doesn't go well. I like routines. I like STAYING with my routine. I don't like losing the time I should have been working on nanotech research with quantum dots and lipid bilayers to the legwork involved in figuring out what happened to my passport and then replacing it. My entire break in the day Monday was lost to going to the social security administration, where my mother kept trying to do the speaking for me and I kept trying to get her to STOP. They told me on Thursday that they had my passport in their lost and found, so I went to pick it up. I get there, and they don't have it. Apparently they put it back in the mail Friday even though I didn't get it the first time because it was UNDELIVERABLE. Brilliant, guys. It couldn't be delivered, so lets send it again, right? And lets send it again when we know she's coming to pick it up! So we went to the post office to let them know it was coming, and my mom wouldn't shut up yet again. I swear, I am never letting her help me get anything ever again. She does all the talking for me no matter how many times I tell her I can speak for myself. And it's not even because I'm autistic! I know that because she doesn't believe I'm actually autistic. But that's not the point. It drove me nuts, and I didn't even get my passport back. I should have it by next Thursday though, so all will be well, eventually. And I'm doing nano research at URI all summer. So it gets better. I'm just insane specifically NOW.